A description of what it is like to be me. In my head...in my world...what I think...what I do...how i poo...but never why...and never about pie...

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Saggy Lady with an afro

I have been taking a figure drawing and anatomy class for the past 5 weeks. So far, it has been interesting. I must say that I am unnaturally uncomfortable when it is a naked woman. The first week it was a woman who was young and curvy, and sort of pretty in the face. The 2nd week it was an older woman who is very saggy, has a weird shape, tall and not real ovcerweight or anything but definitely lumpy and saggy and did I mention the ENORMOUS AFRO protruding from her "anatomical center" ? OMG-COULD U PLEASE TAKE SOME SCISSORS TO THAT FOREST? IT NEEDS A GOOD WEED WHACKER TO TRIM ALL THAT! I am sorry, but this "mini-fro" stands about 2 inches high, almost as if she makes it do that for class. PLUS, she looks at you. She actually stares at you while u are trying to draw her. I can't stand it. It gives me the heebs. So I was beginning to wonder if I have reverted back to a 14 yr-old mentality. I can't help it tho. The third week it was a guy. Somehow, a naked man was so much easier for me to draw than saggy lady. I skiped week 4 (b/c of my b-day) and then last nite is week 5. SAGGY LADY IS BACK! UGH! I THOUGHT I HAD SEEN THE LAST OF HER - BUT NOOOOO, GROSS HAIRY AFRO BUSH WHACKER! In addition to her hideous presence, her facial expression is always that of misery. So call me immature, but after the teacher was finished explaining how to do model drawing with a graphite pencil and plastic eraser (which I do not have), I gave a feeble attempt to use a 9B (very soft pencil) but I couldn't deal with her staring at me and her huge hairy afro bush protruding - so after about 5 minutes - I packed up my stuff and walked out. I feel like I am throwing money away b/c I paid for this class, but I am sorry, I was just too uncomfortable. SHAVE YOUR BEAVER BITCH! For petes sake!

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Traffic and Freaks

On my way to work every day, this is what I have to deal with for the last quarter of a mile before I get off my exit.

SOMETIMES, it is backed up like this for 5 miles. If I leave at 7 am or even a few mnintes before hand then I typically can get to work within 25-35 minutes. NOt too bad. If I leave at 7:15 - 35-45 minutes, and if I leave anytime after 7:30 it takes about an hour. THEN in the last quarter mile of the commute I deal with THESE assholes trying to merge into my lane.

As soon as I get off my exit though, it is smooth sailing.

I also wanted to blog about the Inman Park Festival I went to this weekend. Saw some great art and people. There was a Baton Bob sighting, but I couldn't whip out my trusty camera fast enough and I was too lazy to go chasing him around. He flits and twirls and scurries all over the place. Too fast for the likes of me. Plus, as I said, too lazy. The parade is on Saturday and it features local businesses around town like Dad's garage (improv comedy theater - fun!) although I am partial to Whole World Theater where Lance Krall got his start. Lance was HILARIOUS on stage. I haven't had the chance to check out the show yet (since cable would be a requirement), but I noticed on the commercial I caught on a friends tv- he has got a few of his buddies with him from Whole World - Sara Baker & Phil Cater and they are also hilarious. But I am getting off topic here. See , I wanted to tell you about "pumpkin" This guy was in the parade and he was awesome. See for yourselves:

Then after walking around a bit, I happened upon this fantastic booth with all these beautiful wood sculptures. This one inparticular that hid in the corner caught my eye...

I HAD to buy it.

As you can see why. It was only $10! I had to get it for my friend. She would die laughing and I couldn't wait to see the look on her face when I presented it to her! That's the only reason I got it! The look was worth it for sure :)

Monday, April 25, 2005

I believe in killing...

I have been killing ants for the last hour. I got into my office and there were little black ants EVERYWHERE. Then I go to lift everything off of my desk to kill the little bastards (I don’t believe in humane death for insects.. I just believe in death) and I lift up my dvd burner…and FREAKED OUT! The little buggers were all over the place. I still have the hee-bee-gee-bees! I screamed like a little girl, and let me tell, you, if you know me, u KNOW I don’t scream like that. I had TOUCHED them. EEEWWWWW!!!! I was so grossed out and still am that I can barely sit at my desk right now and concentrate on anything. I keep searching for the little bastards. AH! I just found another one! DIE MY DARLING DIE!

…I believe in killing…

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

The big three-oh!

Well, I am officially no longer in my twenties. This will be my first annual "29th" b-day...again. Actually, I don't care. 30 is only a number. It's a number that sounds to me older than how I actually feel, and its all how old u feel anyways isn't it? Yes.
Everyone at work has been just awesome. I drove in this morning and they had decorated the front lawn with a bunch of smiley faces and a billboard with my name & age displayed for all to see. Then I get to my desk and they had decorated it too! How lucky am I? There was a nice gift from my bosses, and from some of my co-worker friends. One person in particular just ga ve me her gift and it was so special. It was a nice little note and a picture frame with us in it and the note said the sweetest nicest things. She is the one who is moving to Denmark in a few months and she is going to be missed a lot. She is one of those people who always has a smile on her face and always sees the good in everything and everyone. Always looking on the bright side and she brightens my day every Tues & Thurs when I come in to the office. (she only works those 2 days). I can't believe how lucky I am to have such wonderful positive people making me laugh and feel special around me every day. And I don't mean just at work, I mean everyone in my life. My neighbor and new friend who is another positive force who lifts me up, all of my friends and family, and even those people I don't even know who read my blog and make funny comments on it that just make me smile. (u know who u are mr. fox :) Thank God!

The Front Lawn at work the morning of my b-day!

The card my mom made me

The BEST wrapping paper EVER.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Baton Bob & future Jerry Springer guests

Let me start by posing this question. If the girl you are "dating" (u are a boy in this scenario by the way) has a crystal meth habit that she has been lying about for some time now, has already been in rehab for it, and one drama filled evening that includes her trashing her own apartment throwing shit at you, ends up breaking your finger somehow, and when u call the police she makes up some shit about you hitting her so they haul you BOTH off to jail... Do you dump her ass? SHOULD you dump her ass? I say HELL YES. Run as fast as you can away from the drama and destruction that ruins not only that persons life but everyone around them too. (if you don't believe me, just read this blog post) But then, perhaps I am biased. Geez! I told him there was an opening on the next Jerry Springer show titled: "Crack head girlfriends and the men that are entangled in their web of lies!" He didn't find me near as amusing as I did. I on the other hand think I am hilarious!

But what I wanted to blog about is Baton Bob.
He is another Atlanta icon that I have only just learned about. I saw him for the 1st time this past weekend at the Atlanta Dogwood Festival at Piedmont Park. This festival is the 1st of many throughout the summer here in my favorite little big city. You know it is spring in Atlanta when everything outside is covered in a greenish yellow powdery hue and no one can breathe quite right until the first big rain washes away all the pollen. Example: According to the Atlanta Allergy & Asthma clinic, a "high" pollen count is 61-120 and a "very high" pollen count is anything OVER 120. Today, April 13th the pollen count in Atlanta it is 3558! You get my point.
But I get off on tangents sometimes as you see.
Back to Baton Bob.
I first glimpsed him this past weekend wearing a wedding dress, twirling his baton, blowing a whistle (ala rave style) and dancing and twirling around as if everyone there was there to see him. I could hgave sworn he was roller skaing, but upon further scrutiny of the pictures I took, he in fact was NOT roller skating. Although I wouldn't doubt its been done. Apparently he is often spotted in midtown (surprise?) twirling away his baton in a tu-tu and majorette marching boots. Why? Who knows. But I sure I hope I have a camera on me to catch the next sighting!

Lovely, I must say.

Twirl it sista!

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

The Secret of 906 Archibald

It was a cool evening outside Braircliff Mansion. Nancy J & Emily Drew were just recapping the previous evenings events that led up to now. Nancy J had arrived home late the previous evening to her garden level terrace and nothing was out of the ordinary. When she awoke the next morning at 7, she went outside and discovered outside on her terrace a stack of books, some hanging clothes and an address book. Emily Drew came over to inspect the clues and to try and determine the cause of these items left on her porch. Upon further investigation of the address book, they found 1 Atlanta phone number on a notecard that was rubberbanded to the top of the address book. Inside the address book read "Property of: M. Archibald" Emily Drew determined that the writing was someone elder and Nancy J concurred. Nancy J decided to search the book for an address nearby. She immediately opened it to 906 Briarcliff. The address matched the name of the Atlanta phone number! This was no coincidence. Nancy J dialed the number... Voice message. They decided to dig deeper. One theory was that a homeless person had been sleeping on the porch. This seemed odd though, since the clothes were clean and in a dry cleaning bag. Also, in the shirt pocket of the one shirt in front was a receipt from a local restaurant for $68.00. The name on the receipt also had the last name of Archibald. This was no coincidence. And no homeless person can afford to eat at Dish! The 2 sleuths then decided to go check out the address while they waited for the return call... They began their walk down the street to a highly secure area behind Briarcliff Manison where the crazy people came & went at all hours of the day & night. This journey uncovered no new information so they turned back and decided to think on it some more. They hung the clothes on a nearby tree and placed the books and things into a grocery bag and waited.
a few hours later...

Matt called back and informed the girls that someone had broken into a car and the items left on Nancy J's terrace were some of the missing items from the thievery.
The mystery was solved!

Nancy J & Emily Drew strike again!

Be sure to tune in next week when we discover the truth behind Spandex Man!
"If there isn't a mystery to be solved, we'll just make one up!"


Friday, April 08, 2005

It's HUGE!

Can u see it?

Check out them fancy red tube socks!

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Spandex Man Spotting

If you have ever lived in Atlanta you will know exactly who I am talking about. There is a man that stands on the corner of Briarcliff and Ponce usually at high traffic times like between the hours of 5-7 pm weekdays. This is no ordinary man. He is not waiting for a bus, he is not waiting to cross the street, he is just standing there with a cane in his hand, sometimes a wife beater, sometimes a t-shirt, but ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS does he wear white spandex. He is known to many simply as "spandex man" more graphicly visual people call him "purple nuts". If you look closely at the photos, you will notice the enormously large appendage that lies half way down his leg. It is so large it is unbelievable. UN-BEE-FRIGGIN-LEAVABLE. No one knows why he stands there. I would like to conduct an investigation and find out what or why he is. But then, that might takje the fun out of a spandex man spotting.
I was "fortunate" enough to spot him yesterday and have a camera handy (gotta love camera phones). So I am actually in my car trying to take a picture of this spectacle, without being too obvious of course, but then, I imagine lots of people take his picture. I even think he might have known I was trying to get a photo and walked a little closer. Disturbing? Yes. Hilarious? Oh helll yes.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Fushia Poop

Did u know that if you eat a significant amount of beets your poo turns bright fushia? I did not know this until VERY recently. I thought there was something wrong when I turned to examine my accomplishment. But apparently fresh beets will make this happen. I typically eat canned beets, and this has never happened before, but I catered a party last Saturday and took home some leftover roasted beets and turnips which is why I am blogging today. I know this isn't riveting information, but I thought it would amuse me to blog about it. And if we can't amuse ourselves, then what do we have?
All day I have been translating an installation manual into French listenning to the "hard rockin 80's" station on iTunes. Rockin like Dokken - DreamWarriors! So super schweet! Gotta go...more work...l8r~!

Monday, April 04, 2005

Transvestite Yard Sale

So I am out yard saling with my friend D yesterday and we get to this one estate sale and walk up to the plethura of crap for sale and out walks a woman...then it speaks and it isn't a woman so much as it is a man in women's clothing. After all, we are on a street of of Cheshire Bridge in Atlanta. I was disturbed. Then my friend wants to go inside to see the rest of the stuff INSIDE the house. I tell u, I do not want to go into this house. I am getting creepy weirdo vibes all over the place. Very "lotion in the basket" feel to this house. So we go in and its relatively "normal" inside. There are a few bizarre paintings on the wall and I just feel as if these walls had seen more than it could handle. I could just imagine the late nite parties with transvestites and cracked out people milling about his tiny kitchen, doing lines of crystal meth off the formica countertops. Just an overall creepy vibe. In the living room was your typical couch, tv set up, but at one end of the couch was a huge mirror that kind of angled down towards the bottom spanning half the living room with some lacy fabric draped over the top. My imagination took over envisioning the strange "person" lying around in lingerie watching tv, but also watching her/him self in the oversized mirror. EW! Get me outta here! I didn't want to touch anything in the house. So we left and now I have haunting memories of a life I never want to know about.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Snow beautiful snow! What luck! My first day of the season and it's a powder day! Here is the 1st run I went down. You, know a warm up, wouldn't wanna get TOO crazy. :)

Beaver Liquors. (heh heh)

My lunch. Peanut butter, m&m's craisins, raisins and smart start on wheat bread. Breakfast of champpions! Keeps ya goin on the mtn all day long! No need to spend $45 on a small cup of soup on the mtn!