A description of what it is like to be me. In my head...in my world...what I think...what I do...how i poo...but never why...and never about pie...

Friday, September 16, 2011

Barney Beagle

So I went on an impromptu date with this guy who was sitting at the bar where I work. I noticed him toward the end of the evening (we were slammed busy) and thought to myself, 'oh, he's kinda hot!' So I said something to the girl who was bartending and she said he was "annoying". I said, oh, too bad. Then I asked "why?" She said he talked to much. I deduced that she was annoyed by his talking b/c he was trying to close the bar and get her sidework done and get outta there. Fair enough.
Well, as the night progressed, her & I had a pretty funny banter going on where I was just giving her a hard time and we were just laughing and having fun. I noticed he was eating it all up and kind of a little bit staring at me, as I was him, sort of. So I ended up talking to him while I was doing my sidework (polishing wine glasses and such) this went on for 10 or 15 minutes. He asked me to go to the Braves game with him the next night. I was scheduled to work, however, I kind of did want to go (I hadn't been to a Braves game yet this year!) but I also didn't know anything about this guy and had only talked to him briefly. He seemed like a nice enough fella, but still..there are a lot of idiots that come in. I still wasn't convinced yet.
So I took his # and told him I needed to marinate on the idea and would call or text him to let him know.
I got someone to cover my shift, and decided, what the hell, I haven't been on a "date" (if that is what this was going to be) in FOREVER. Like, at least 3 or 4 years. Seriously. It's annoying.
But I digress...

next day...

I text him and tell him I am in, if he still is.
He texts me back and says he will call.
He calls.
We set up time/place to meet.

I go to meet him at the hotel he is staying at (Ritz Carlton downtown).
He meets me outside at the valet and tell me he is glad I decided to come with him to the game. He was going to go by himself anyways.
We go inside the hotel lobby and have a drink while we talk and start to get acquainted. The car service will be picking us up at 7 to take us to the game.
(I am beginning to be impressed at this point)
Fancy hummer car service to the game, VIP drop off, enter the gates, finding seats...WOW. 4th row behind the Braves dugout. SHAZAM!
I am throughly impressed now. He told me he even thought to try and get seats out of the direct sunlight (we are in Atlanta and it is HOT still at 7:30 on an early September evening).

I slightly become a Japanese tourist and start taking photos. I can't help myself, when I love something, I want to photograph it.

We have a great time at the game. Talking, laughing, and the Braves won so, that's always a plus.
Now the game is over. And I don't want this evening to end, because truth be told, I'm not sure I've ever been on a date this great. Here I am with a very good looking man, who has a decent enough job to where he's not struggling, he's making me laugh (and I him, I think), he's doting on me (no one dotes on me), and all I can think of is 'DAMN! why do u have to live all the way in Virginia?!?!?!'

Alas, sadly, he does.
And he went back today.
He did stop in and say bye, which I thought was sweet of him to bother. But it also made me a little sad, because if he had been more of an asshole/jerk, then it's easier to write off. But he doesn't seem to be. He seems to be a really great guy. And all I keep singing for the rest of the day in my head is Alanis Morissette's 'Isn't it Ironic' song; particularly the lyric that goes: "It's like meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife..."

Go fucking figure.
Of course.
Just my luck.

So that's it. He said goodbye, it doesn't appear that he is a regular visitor to my fine city and who knows when he will return. If ever, and if so, will he even bother to try and find me? Did he experience any of the same short-lived joy and happiness that I did? Or was this just a fun baseball game with some one he happened to meet while here?
Then my mind starts going AWOL...is he married? girlfriend? I have no idea. We didn't talk about any of that stuff. and honestly, I don't want to know if ther is any of those factors, it would just break my heart even more.

Dang. Why and how do I fall so hard & fast over seemingly nothing? I am actually affected to the point of sadness. I mean, I'm not moping around deliriously diluted about him, but I am disappointed that we can't have a second date, and a third, and a fourth...etc...


I guess only time will tell. One of my philosophies that I've lived by since I was 18 is "everything happens for a reason" and "if it's meant to be, it will be" and my favorite "everything works out in the end...if it hasn't worked out yet, it's not the end"

I want and hope he thinks about me and decides to try and stay in touch, and reaches out to call me or something.
Ya never know, right?
But then there's that word..."hope"
Hope can be a dangerous thing. It can allow you to hold onto something that you should let go, or should have let go a long time ago. I've been there before too. But how do you know when hope is good or bad for you to have?
I don't want to be one of these people who are all closed off and not open to possibility! But I also don't want to be someone who holds on to a sliver of nothing because I perceive it to be more than what it was or is.

So now what?

I guess I just hope and pray that God has something awesome waiting for me...whoever or wherever that may be.

I feel like Barney Beagle in the children's book waiting patiently for his boy to come and rescue him from the pet shop window, Every day he waited and wished for someone to choose him. People would stop and look at him in the window, and he would always ask himself, "Is this my boy? Is this the boy for me?" But the shoppers would always choose someone else.
All the other pets are being chosen & given homes & loved. I am still waiting for my boy to come, but when will he?