A description of what it is like to be me. In my head...in my world...what I think...what I do...how i poo...but never why...and never about pie...

Friday, October 29, 2004

Semi-Annual Pumpkin Carving Party 2004

Well Hello! Welcome to my semi-annual pumpkin carving party pics. Here are a few:

The first one on the left is (can u guess?) mine!

This one was done by my friend who is 11: Can u believe how good it is?!

Hope u enjoy!

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

What's wrong with me?

Are my standards too high? Is that possible? I will never settle, but I see myslef as a walking Seinfeld episodfe, constantly discecting every man that comes into my life. They say Love is Blind, but I think sometimes Like can be blind too...

I am no longer interested in Mr. BB. He is, well shall I say immature? At 40 yrs old, you would THINK that he would be a grown boy by now. Not so much. Example: We are driving down the road in my jeep and he sees a pro Bush sign in someone's yard and he proceeds to YELL out of my open top car "FUCK YOU" while raising a fist with fully extended finger.(I am sure you can guess which one) May I ask you what the hell is the point in that? Ok, you don't like Bush, fine, whatever, but do u have to behave in such a childish manner? He also destroys peoples signs in their yard while he is on a run in his own neighborhood? WTF? That's not the only reason, tho, I am just not attracted to him like I thought I was. I think I was wanting to find/make a connection with someone so adamantly that I can warp and rationalize and perceive anyone who feigns the slightest interest in me as "the one". And that's not right. What I need to do is make a list for myself of the qualities I look for, the "deal breakers" and qualities that are absolutely "required".

So my question is this: How do I end this? I am over it. He's called on Sat and now he's emailed on Mon and I haven't returned his call or his email. Do I owe him an explanation? Or can I just pretend he doesn't exist anymore? What would he do given the situation was reversed? Probably he would just not call anymore and I would be left wondering WTF happened - like so many times before. C'mon we've all been there. We've all liked someone and then never heard from them again and we are left wondering what we did wrong, what's wrong with us or some other warped perception of reality, when really, the other person is just a coward and it is easier to ignore then to confront. That's my problem. I am non-confrontational when it comes to boys, but when it comes to anything else, I am very blunt and opinionated. How why? Any insight would be very helpful. That is if ANYONE reads this junk anyways. Last time I asked for advice - i recieved not one reply, so I don't expect to this time, but it would be nice.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Austin, TX

I am in Austin, Texas visiting my very good friend and old roomate, Cord. It is so nice to be hanging out with him again. I mean, it has been almost 3 years since I've seen him! We lived together for almost 3 yrs, then I moved away to Colorado, he moved to NYC, married a girl from California that he met in Atlanta, and now has moved to Austin, bought a house and seems to be doing very well for himself. I am happy for him. You can see him here: (http://www.cordstone.com)

Thursday, October 21, 2004

What does it all mean?!

I had a dream last nite that this guy (who will remain nameless) started expressing his feelings for me to me, but didn't want to act upon them b/c of a) work interference and 2) live in girlfriend. Does this mean I want him to say these things?
Enter real life....
Then when I started talking to a girlfriend about BB and how I wasn't so into him, she made an offhand remark about "he who will remain namless" and how I should ask him to be the father of my children! I gasped and laughed and was slightly embarressed b/c I remembered the dream I had had and she just said...i know what u r thinking and I said no u don't. And then she also remarked how we were wearing the same colors today and that that was a sign. I quickly changed the subject...

Oh what does it all mean?!

Monday, October 18, 2004

Red Bull & Coffee

Good Morning World!
How was your weekend? Mine? Pretty uneventful, but that is okay. Friday nite went out with Mary Michael, Daniel Brooks & Molly H. to Tijuana Garage in L5P. Ate some delicious collards and fish tacos. Mmmmmm, mmm! Saturday attended the Decatur Beer Festival with Harris, Beth & her bro, which by the way I thought was kind of an ass. Country and full of himself. Why? Who knows. I called ML on Sat. when I got back from drinking. Probably not a great idea, but it's too late now. And I'm not quite sure how I feel about BB anymore. I don't know if I'm just unimpressed, bored, or antsy. I feel like a walking Seinfeld episode most of the time. Am I too picky? Too high of standards? Would I prefer to be alone to depending on someone? I really don't like depending on people. I prefer my independance over dependance. Maybe it's not for everyone. Maybe I am destined to turn into the crazy cat lady. Maybe not. Maybe BB just isn't the right person and I so wanted him to be. I think I just figured it out. I want to find that person so bad that I just think everyone is him at first. But he might not exist to be truthfull. Or if he does exist, I probably blew it and missed my chance. Ugh. What do I do now? I need a new perspective on things. I can't wait to go see Cord in Austin. This trip is perfect timing. I need to regroup and relax and have a fun great time and not think about anyone or anything but my friend and myself. Yipee! Here I come Cord!

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

My Sister's 16th Birthday!

Happy Birthday Liz! 16 years ago I was 13 and welcomed my new baby sister into the world at 7:30 pm EST! I was a troubled 13 year old...ripped jeans, teased bangs, black t-shorts. I thought I was pretty cool, and I was. I was a teenage rock star. Guns n Roses was my favorite all time band and I was completely in love with W. Axl Rose. I collected every magazine I could get my hands on that had any mention of GNR or any of the gunners. I felt a special connection to them since they were from my own small hometown of Lafayette, Indiana, from which in 1988 we had just moved away from to the metropolis of Dunwoody Georgia. I remember going to school that day and knowing my mom had gone to the hospital to have my sister. I, of course, knew it was a girl, even though my parents had decided to wait and see.. Having 2 obnoxious little brothers, one 3 and one 4 yrs younger than me, it HAD to be a girl, it just had to be. Lo & behold it was. I had a new play thing, toy, baby girl. It was really neat-o. She was the only person who comforted me when I felt like no one else in the world understood. She, this little tiny baby who knew nothing of my "awful" adolesence, how unreasonable and unfair my parents were (at the time), and didn't judge me at all. SHE loved me. SHE understood. SHE would be on my side once she grew up and saw for herself...as i counted the days until I turned 17 so I could move out and handle life how I wanted. At least that is how I thought at the time. So thank you Elizabeth, thank you for being born, thank you for rescuing me from my (what I thought was a) terrible life. Thank you for comforting me when I was busted at school when I was 15 for acid and forced to go to rehab the next day, you were there sleeping next to me, listening, understanding, conforting, saving, loving me. Thank you & I love you.

Friday, October 01, 2004


I am elated about BB! I can't stop thinking about him and I can't wait to see him again! On the way to work this morning I was thinking about his personality and how he compares to the excitement of the rock star and a convo JP and I had once about passion..and that's it! He is passionate about life, about enjoying life. That is the main attraction I think. Plus, he is smart, which is a total turn on. MAN O MAN! I am just filled with joy and excitement. Now if I could just get rid of this little issue I've been having since last weekend....more cranberry juice please! (ugh)



Check out this hilarious photo I snapped a couple weekends ago ;)