A description of what it is like to be me. In my head...in my world...what I think...what I do...how i poo...but never why...and never about pie...

Tuesday, January 31, 2006


So, I snore.
Apparently it is very loudly. I would not know, for I am asleep soundly...
However, no one else around me is.
And that is why I sleep alone most nights.
NOT that this bothers me. I like sleeping alone...
BUT sometimes, I want him to stay over...
but I know it is not possible, b/c as I said before...
I snore, loudly.
Does this mean, that we are not meant to be?
Should I take this to mean that? Or am I jumping to conclusions? AM i looking for a way out? Sometimes, I really like him....and sometimes...I can't stand his ass!
He can be..how shall I put this..rude.
For example:
We recently returned from a trip to Florida, everything was peachy until the first night... We had 2 doubles in the room - and after many beverages, I fell asleep first in one of the beds... ALL NIGHT LONG, he is waking me up by pushing me... quickly and harshly. Now, I realize that he is unable to sleep b/c of me, but I am not doing this on purpose mind you, he is deliberatly getting up out of bed and giving me a quick, hard push just to wake me up. He did not turn me over on my side, he pushed me. SO I am pissed when he gets up at 7 anbd wants to go walking pon the ebach - I am like fuck u buddy, I am fucking tired. You dragged me down here to look at some stupid boat you are thinking about buying - woke my ass up early yesterday to get here early, and all I wanted to do was sleep in.
The next night, he made me wear these uncomfortable contraptions - one is like a bullring in your nose that is suppossed to help you breathe better by pushing down on your septum, and the other is a breathe right strip across your nose that basically holds your nostrils open wider so u can breathe better, and therefore alleviate or reduce snoring. You can imagine how attractive this might look...
SO now I feel like an ugly freak and I'm pissed that I have to wear this shit, it is so fucking uncomfortable - and I'm afraid to fall asleep in case I do snore and wake him up and he startles me awake again with the pushing.
I hate this.
No one else I've ever dated that I slept next to had a problem. WHy does he have to be such a fucking light sleeper? Nancy boy.
I have always said to myself, that the man I end up marrying will be someone who also snores, so that way, we don't bother each other...
So what am I doing dating this guy?
I don't know, maybe for lack of anything else going on? Maybe I'm just bored, or, maybe I actually like him. But there are definitely things about him that I do not like. Sush as his extreme racism towards all black people. I hate how he looks at all blacks and automatically assumes they are pieces of shit just because of their color. ANd I hate that N word - but he uses it all the time. Even when I ask him not too. He doesn't like crowds or being in public much at all - and if we are a ta bar and he can't sit down - well then he is miserable and we might as well just leave. He's completely anti-social and moody too. I like a guy who can meet and get along with people as easily as I do. Oh yeah and he won't go see a movie at the theater. He is so fucking intolerant of people, he refuses to watch a movie in a movie theater. WTF?
AND, since he has no real job, (he is an artist - and has taken the year off to paint and try to further his career) - I say bravo for doing that - I really do - but since he is at home all day...as soon as I get home he wants to do something and all I want to do is relax sometimes. I have been going non-stop for about a month now with the danish film festival and then the trade show in chicago, and then on my weekend I was planning on relaxing and sleeping in, I go to florida....NON-STOP I tell u.
I need my space!
I need some time alone!

oh yeah and if I hear one more thing about this boat, I'm going to throw myself off a ledge...
not really, but it sounded good!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

The smell of cat poo

The smell of cat poo still lingers in my nostrils...

There was an unfortunate incident this morning in the corner of the living room that still haunts me now. How can I keep the litter box outside and train these little monsters to let me know when they need to defecate or urinate? There's nothing like getting ready in the morning, shower, fresh, clean, makeup, nice outfit, then you walk out into the living room and the smell hits you like a big wall of crap. Ugh. I could have ignored it...cleaned it up later when it isn't so fresh and warm and gooey...but I choose to clean it up immediately. Yuck.
Yesterday, the dog (Mocha) that lives with us, apparently had a real bad case of diarrhea. You see, Mocha likes to eat cat poo, rabbit poo, any poo really. But Mocha had somehow either been rummaging through the litter box for brown treasure, or cleaning up messes I never saw...
Either way, when my roommate got home from work yesterday, she said our house needed to be fumigated. There were spurts of evidence everywhere and it was at that point when I decided to navigate elsewhere than our house until the clean up had occurred and the proper Febreezing and incense had been lit to cover the stench I could only imagine. Hopefully, there will be no special surprises today....
Nothin like comin home to the smell of poo....


(hey that rhymed!)

Monday, January 16, 2006


Sometimes I wonder if I will be able to let anyone in past this certain point. I don't know if I can. I can feel this blanket of non-intimacy protecting me and I don't want to let it go because it is safe here and comfortable and warm and guarded. I like it. It's like my own electric blanket of safety and un-brokenheartedness. Maybe if I just don't think about it, the blanket will slowly wither away without me even knowing it...kinda like how spring melts into summer. It starts out a bit chilly and you're wearing jeans and maybe a light jacket, then slowly, you remove the jacket, and before you know it, you're galivanting around in your skivvies! Stay tuned for more confusion and bewilderment....These are the days of my life.....

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Post-it Car

I have been diligently working on all the promotional art, advertising and marketing for the Danish Film Festival that opens here in Atlanta at the High, Friday January 13th. It is quite a stressful time, but hopefully it will all be over soon!

I have wanted to blog so bad lately, but I just don't have much time these days. I usually blog in the mornings, but now since there is another girl here in my room with me, I have no quiet time as soon as I get to work, so it is frustrated. I need absolute quiet to cocentrate on the baffonery that leaps out of my mouth on this thing. In the evenings, I spend time with my roomate or boyfriend. Yes, that's right, she who seems to be ever single, has a boyfriend. We have been dating for 3 months now and I haven't broken up with him yet, so thats gotta be a good sign, right? Anyways, I get home between 5 and 7 (depending on how late I had to stay at work getting things to print on time like the Film Festival) and hang out with my roomate for a little while, or I go over to meet my boyfriend or he comes over and he hang or get dinner or watch a movie or what ever. This takes up all of my time. In between which I take out the trash, do laundry, cook dinner, go grocery shopping, change the kitty litter, clean up my room from the mornings escapade of trying to find an outfit that doesn't show my camel toe and my fat ass... etc...

Lately, that list has included, setting up the xmas tree and decorating the house,un-xmasing the house, etc..

But enough with my excuses...
Well, here's one more..
It has taken me 3 days to write this. I just keep returning to the saved draft!

But what I was so eager to show all of you wonderful peeps out there is what I saw on the way to work yesterday morning:

Isn't that the best thing you have ever seen!
It made my day!

Oh yeah, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my old roomie CORD!!!!

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Fucking Fucks

Every morning, I come in and the fucking door is locked.
There are already 3 people in there and one of them sits in clear view of the front door. Easily able to see if anyone is coming in. But the stupid fucker locks the fucking door behind him every goddamn day. I have to struggle to get my keys out of my purse with my lunch and what ever else I happen to have in my hands, I have to try and get my keys out b/c this stupid fucker locks the goddman door every fucking morning. While he sits there and plays fucking poker online. Not to mention, every single time I walk by his desk he minimizes his screen so I can't see that he is playing poker. But its painfully obvious and everybody else knows it too. What the fuck are you getting paid for dude? To play poker? I DON'T THINK SO! AND this is the only subject he talks about. ALL he talks about is, oh I had this great hand last nite, blah blah blah - Maybe you need a good hand-JOB.
Dumb ass people piss me off.

I am driving to work this morning and I get behind every jewish road block* on the fucking road. goddamn maroon minivans everywhere. mexicans on their cell phone cruzin at 40 ion the fast lane on holcomb bridge/jimmy carter/whatever the hell else road name it turns into between here and there.

Also, I hate dieting. I am trying to not eat carbs and it fucking sucks too. So my boyfriend wants to eat at Savage pizza. Gee honi, I really don't want to go there, there really isn't anything on the menu for me except for ANOTHER fucking salad, and I am so sick of salads. I need some real food.

I was also trying to eliminate caffeine from my diet - I don't really drink all that much to begin with. I mean - I don't HAVE to have coffee everyday, and I don't drink it everyday, but sometimes, I just want a little kick start in the morning. So I have decided that I am not going to eliminate caffeine and I am going to begin right now.

* A Jewish road block can be defined as two cars traveling in separate lanes side by side on a 2 lane road at the same speed not allowing anyone to pass.