A description of what it is like to be me. In my head...in my world...what I think...what I do...how i poo...but never why...and never about pie...

Tuesday, January 31, 2006


So, I snore.
Apparently it is very loudly. I would not know, for I am asleep soundly...
However, no one else around me is.
And that is why I sleep alone most nights.
NOT that this bothers me. I like sleeping alone...
BUT sometimes, I want him to stay over...
but I know it is not possible, b/c as I said before...
I snore, loudly.
Does this mean, that we are not meant to be?
Should I take this to mean that? Or am I jumping to conclusions? AM i looking for a way out? Sometimes, I really like him....and sometimes...I can't stand his ass!
He can be..how shall I put this..rude.
For example:
We recently returned from a trip to Florida, everything was peachy until the first night... We had 2 doubles in the room - and after many beverages, I fell asleep first in one of the beds... ALL NIGHT LONG, he is waking me up by pushing me... quickly and harshly. Now, I realize that he is unable to sleep b/c of me, but I am not doing this on purpose mind you, he is deliberatly getting up out of bed and giving me a quick, hard push just to wake me up. He did not turn me over on my side, he pushed me. SO I am pissed when he gets up at 7 anbd wants to go walking pon the ebach - I am like fuck u buddy, I am fucking tired. You dragged me down here to look at some stupid boat you are thinking about buying - woke my ass up early yesterday to get here early, and all I wanted to do was sleep in.
The next night, he made me wear these uncomfortable contraptions - one is like a bullring in your nose that is suppossed to help you breathe better by pushing down on your septum, and the other is a breathe right strip across your nose that basically holds your nostrils open wider so u can breathe better, and therefore alleviate or reduce snoring. You can imagine how attractive this might look...
SO now I feel like an ugly freak and I'm pissed that I have to wear this shit, it is so fucking uncomfortable - and I'm afraid to fall asleep in case I do snore and wake him up and he startles me awake again with the pushing.
I hate this.
No one else I've ever dated that I slept next to had a problem. WHy does he have to be such a fucking light sleeper? Nancy boy.
I have always said to myself, that the man I end up marrying will be someone who also snores, so that way, we don't bother each other...
So what am I doing dating this guy?
I don't know, maybe for lack of anything else going on? Maybe I'm just bored, or, maybe I actually like him. But there are definitely things about him that I do not like. Sush as his extreme racism towards all black people. I hate how he looks at all blacks and automatically assumes they are pieces of shit just because of their color. ANd I hate that N word - but he uses it all the time. Even when I ask him not too. He doesn't like crowds or being in public much at all - and if we are a ta bar and he can't sit down - well then he is miserable and we might as well just leave. He's completely anti-social and moody too. I like a guy who can meet and get along with people as easily as I do. Oh yeah and he won't go see a movie at the theater. He is so fucking intolerant of people, he refuses to watch a movie in a movie theater. WTF?
AND, since he has no real job, (he is an artist - and has taken the year off to paint and try to further his career) - I say bravo for doing that - I really do - but since he is at home all day...as soon as I get home he wants to do something and all I want to do is relax sometimes. I have been going non-stop for about a month now with the danish film festival and then the trade show in chicago, and then on my weekend I was planning on relaxing and sleeping in, I go to florida....NON-STOP I tell u.
I need my space!
I need some time alone!

oh yeah and if I hear one more thing about this boat, I'm going to throw myself off a ledge...
not really, but it sounded good!


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