A description of what it is like to be me. In my head...in my world...what I think...what I do...how i poo...but never why...and never about pie...

Saturday, November 12, 2016

America, stop crying and man up!

OMG America. STFU already. Stop putting all your energy in to all this bitching & moaning & whining & complaining & insulting. It's pathetic  and embarrassing. Focus on something good,  anything good. If we all put this much energy into something good, instead of throwing a national tantrum & pointing fingers at either side, we might actually do some good for the heart & soul of our country. Accept, get over & move on. There's nothing you can do to change the past. Focus on the future and stop seething with hate and animosity. Hate only breeds more hate. Spread love and joy and see it returned to you 10 fold. The end.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Blue Fire Guru

In yesterday's post, I came to the conclusion that I am on fire.

It's not the first time I've said this either. And what I mean by this is exactly what EMINEM is talking about in his song 'On Fire' off the RECOVERY album. I've always loved EMINEM and I've always loved his music, and especially this particular album. Last year I was listening to it a lot around this same time of September - October, and specifically to the song 'Lose Yourself', probably because I had just re watched the movie 8 mile, but then the songs started speaking to me and giving me a sense of understanding, inspiration and even therapy!

"...if you had, one shot or one opportunityTo seize everything you ever wanted in one momentWould you capture it, or just let it slip?...You better lose yourself in the music, the momentYou own it, you better never let it goYou only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blowThis opportunity comes once in a lifetime...The soul's escaping through this hole that is gapingThis world is mine for the taking, make me kingAs we move toward a New World OrderA normal life is boring; but superstardom'sClose to post-mortem, it only grows harderHe only grows hotter, he blows it's all over"- EMINEM 'Lose Yourself' off the RECOVERY album
Consequently, I bought bluefire.guru website name where I will be using that as a blog space to post interesting articles I find related to self discovery and striving to live for a higher porpoise.
(see what I did there?)


Here's some sciency stuff for all you sciency types:BLUE FIRIS HOTTER AND HAS MORE ENERGY!!!~~~
The color of the visible light results from the energy.Blue light is more energetic than red lightwhich is why blue fire is hotter than a red fireit has more energy it is giving off.

Here we have the spectrum of light, from Radio to Gamma waves, in increasing energy. It shows how the visible red light is less energetic than visible blue or purple light.


Please visit
in a couple weeks for more posts like this if you like what you read.

Spread joy in everything you do.
Live Love every single day.
See kindness in everyone.
Change your thoughts and change the world.
Blue OUT~!

24 hour friendship...

This isn't the 1st time music has helped me through a difficult emotional time...

..from wikipedia:

"Sensory overload
 occurs when one or more of the body's senses experiences over-stimulation from the environment. There are many environmental elements that impact an individual. Examples of these elements are urbanization, crowding, noisemass mediatechnology, and the explosive growth of information.[1] Sensory overload is commonly associated with sensory processing disorder. Like its opposite sensory deprivation, it has been used as a means of torture.

Most often the quickest way to ease sensory overload symptoms is to remove oneself from the situation.

Prevention: There are two different methods to prevent sensory overload: avoidance and setting limits. The process of avoidance involves creating a more quiet and orderly environment. This includes keeping the noise to a minimum and reducing the sense of clutter. To prevent sensory overload, it is important to focus your attention and energy on one thing at a time. Setting limits involves restricting the amount of time spent on various activities and selecting settings to carefully avoid crowds and noise. 
One may also limit interactions with specific people to help prevent sensory overload."


~~~When someone is experiencing this, and they tell you that they need some space and they need to be alone, the absolute WORST thing you can do is push this person and/or try to manipulate them by attempting to guilt them! If he would have respected my choice and allowed me to leave the situation that was creating the problem, this post would never have been written and we might have become good friends...BUT...that didn't happen.... I met this person less than 24 hours ago and I told this dude that I just had too much on my mind and too much to do and needed to be able to focus so I would appreciate it if he would go home after we ate at The Vortex... As an Aries, which is a fire sign, the ABSOLUTE WORST thing you can do is push me. If you fight fire. you're going to get burned. This is just a factual universal law.
~ ~ ~
 "If you fight fire with fire, everyone will get burned, 
and nothing will be salvaged from the mess."
and nothing will be salvaged from the mess."

(yeah I'm hotter, lol ;)   

The color of the visible light results from the energy.
Blue light is more energetic than red light
which is why blue fire is hotter than a red fire
it has more energy it is giving off.
Here we have the spectrum of light, from Radio to Gamma waves, in increasing energy. It shows how the visible red light is less energetic than visible blue or purple light.
~ ~ ~
I met this dude last night, we hung out, in a purely platonic way, which I made absolutely clear that it was. But in the morning, he should have left, unless I specifically asked him to stay, he should have offered to leave and not presumed that I wanted you there all day!
YES, I appreciate your help bringing in the boxes from my car, and helping figure out and break down my inversion table. And I expressed this gratitude many times, thanking you. And then when we went to get dinner, and YOU offered to pay for my meal, that was nice too, and I thanked you for that. I never expected you to do that and I could have payed for it myself, but again, thank you! But when he started saying 'i did this for you', and 'I did that for you' and 'i paid for everything' and 'can't you just do this for me since i did all this nice stuff for you?'

I will not compromise my self and my being because you seem to think I owe you something. 

Then the text messages started rolling in, one right after another.... until I blocked his number and put his shit outside my apartment door & sent him the BYE FELICIA meme! (my actual last communication to him! lol)

"your mean" (don't even get me started on a tangent about the improper use of the "you're"!!!!)
       "i paid for everything"
       "I didn't have to make those boxes.."
       "I really like you and think you are great"
       "can you drive me home?"
We already talked about how I couldn't take him back to Marietta (I am starting to think there's something in the water up there that makes people a little or a lot CUCKOO! :) 

I also know that he's been drinking since earlier that day, he made it seem as if he was hungover and used it as an excuse to make the 1st one, but I'm pretty on top of things and observing everything that goes on and I know he continues to make drinks and although he asked me for the 1st beer, he also drank LAST beer! (I didn't realize this until much much later, you just never take anyone's last anything without asking 1st, it's bad ju-ju)

These were all coming in AFTER I politely told him earlier that I have a lot of things to do, a lot of things on my mind and that I just needed to be alone! He literally was not taking NO for an answer.
It made me feel like that crazy Jekyll-Hyde muther fucker that I dated. In fact the more I thought about it, there were a lot of the same exact behaviours coming from this guy as there were from captain-crazy-pants, he even used similar terminology/words saying things like "I'm not stupid" (this was in response to something unrelated and I never called him stupid or used that word, he was putting words in my mouth and using his filter to perceive what I was asking) ...
"I don't know you and no I don't owe you a muth-a fuck-in thing"
Can you not read the signs? Can you not feel the energy? Can you not hear me when I specifically tell you and ask you for a little space? I am actually quite proud of myself for handling as long as I did. I now know that I cannot be around people right now. 
We are the average of the 5 people we hang around.  
Last night for example, I told him so many times that I was exhausted and that I wanted to go to sleep, he STILL WOULD NOT STOP FUCKING TALKING! About NOTHING and EVERYTHING! I finally got up to use the bathroom but instead slept on my own couch, after a few minutes, he got up to see where I was and stood over me (I had my eyes closed and was even fake snore/sleeping lol) and actually started talking to me and was trying to wake me up" by saying my name and telling me to move to the bed. TELLING, not asking. Do you know that most people, when sleeping, are not nice if you wake them up? Why would you wake someone up? "Let sleeping dogs lie" is how the saying goes, right? 
Here's the red flag that had I listened to my gut, would have prevented this post from ever being written....
When we were at his house in Marietta grabbing a few things, he showed me & wanted to bring his gun to my house because were going to "Atlanta"! (I live in a quiet little neighborhood called Morningside) - in hindsight, this should have been my FIRST red flag that I should have left is ass in crazietta.
 However, even after all that insanity, it is now over and I am still very thankful that he was there to help me be productive all day, because I did get a lot accomplished.  
And that was my 24 hour friendship... 

~ Blue OUT  !

Monday, October 19, 2015


Anthroposophy, a philosophy founded by Rudolf Steiner, postulates the existence of an objective, intellectually comprehensible spiritual world that is accessible by direct experience through inner development. More specifically, it aims to develop faculties of perceptive imagination, inspiration and intuition through the cultivation of a form of thinking independent of sensory experience"
SOURCE - wikipedia

+NRG :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Lately, I've been feeling that I am more sensitive to colors, sounds, people, environments, energy, lighting, etc. Even a few minutes with someone who is not like minded, can alter my unhappiness and un-harmoniousness with the universe to the point of I have got to leave the room.
I just had to kick this dude out of my apartment. I felt as if I was about to or actually having a serious anxiety attack. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't focus, I started feeling very uncomfortable and creepy crawly, and I hated that feeling so much, that I just couldn't take 1 more minute. One thing good MIGHT have come out of it tho....He SAID he would rent my apartment...but people who talk that much rarely have much to actually say of validity, so we'll see if he follows up. I will give the landlord his info though, but in all actuality, it's not my dog. I can't wait to get started on my new life and move on and up!

"You're on fire
That's how you know you're on a roll
Cause when you hot its like your burning up everyone else's cold
You're on fire
Man I'm so fucking sick I got ambulances pulling me over and shit
You're on fire
You need to stop drop and roll"
Cause when you say some things the whole world is gonna blow (lyric amended to reflect my own experience)
- EMINEM - 'On Fire' RECOVERY album

Saturday, February 15, 2014

VDAY-Part 1

Valentines Day is hard for everyone (pun intended). It’s hard on dudes & bros because there is the pressure of “the perfect gift”.  So many factors to consider. How long have you been dating? A very short time and it can be awkward, because maybe you haven’t said the only 3 words that can break a person’s heart, rip it into shreds, tear it, chew it up, spit it out, throw it on the floor and stomp on it. (what, too much?) Maybe you just started dating a few weeks ago and you don’t know if this is the all impending “ONE”. Maybe you’re dating a couple of people, casually; you reasonably like all of the people, but you’re not ready to choose just one of them yet because you are still getting to know each other and figure out this life thing, this who am I thing, (even some “adults”, who you think might have it all together, still struggle with this one kids ;) etc.

Or maybe you’ve been married for 40 years, or 10, or 2. Maybe you’re in a doomed relationship. Maybe only one of you realizes that. Maybe both of you do. Or maybe you’ve just fallen in love, and everything is rainbows & unicorns & fireworks & happiness…or maybe only one of you feels that way… Or, maybe you’re single. You might be single and bitter about the hope of finding a decent man, a gentlemen, someone who completes you. Maybe you’ve already met & dated the great love of your life, and it was cut too short, or your paths just took different directions, and when your paths finally re-crossed, to reference the late great William Shakespere, “the timing just wasn’t right”. (Romeo & Juliet) Maybe you’re single & hopeful (although I can’t say I know many in this category, even if I do happen to be one of those people) and you’re still waiting for your boy to come (*Barney Beagle). Yeah, I’m single. Single as fuck. In fact, I dropped off boyfriend # 10 back in his natural habitat of crazy town USA right before Christmas 3 years ago.  #3 is the one I miss the most & will always love & cherish forever. But everyone else, I can honestly say that I thought I loved all of them, until something reared its ugly head (the head wasn’t always ugly per se, sometimes it was just a mutual agreeance that it just wasn’t there) & the relationship took a 180. And then, the realization, that I in fact, did NOT love them. I was just disillusioned by the newness & all the attention & doting (who doesn’t love that?) & mostly the POSSIBILITY of love. I’m not the girl who dreamed of her wedding since she was little. I’m not the girl who just wants to have a baby, or get married for the sake of being married, or because all my friends are doing it and I’m “at that age” whatever the hell that means. I’m the girl who refuses to settle for subpar, mediocre companionship just so I won’t be alone. I can tell you, especially after watching several of my friends who have gotten married, and then gotten divorced, I much prefer to be alone than have to have dealt with some of the absolute craziness or instability, or whatever the reason was, that they have had to go through. I remember the first time one of my friends asking me “why aren’t you married? Or maybe it was something more like “you need to get married” but whatever it was I remember thinking to myself even then, I’m not going to just randomly pick some dude to marry because I just want to be married, I want love. I want the best friend companion person. And also, when people ask us single people that question, IT’S FUCKING RUDE & INCONSIDERATE & MEAN. I hear that question as “what is so wrong with you that no man has wanted to be with you, love you, take care of you, be a gentlemen to you, yadda yadda yadda.” Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe there is something. I think I have a great personality, I think I am kind, funny, not terrible looking, and actually, I think I am a great catch. But no one great has caught me. Maybe I am too intimidating. I know I have a strong personality, and I know that most men, even though they say they want an independent woman, don’t. They want a shy, sweet, docile little baby dear or some shit like that. I don’t know. I’ve read through a lot of lame dating profiles, and that is my assessment of what men say they want. So I am a first born, full on firey Aries with spunk & confidence in almost everything I do, and have been this way my whole life. This is one reason my friends love me, is because I don’t hold back much, I say what’s on my mind, and I don’t much care what you or anyone else thinks of me, because, naturally, I think I am always right, and to be fair, I usually am ;) This little personality flaw has hindered and helped me throughout my entire life. I am aware that I can be too much sometimes. I am more aware now that I am not in my early 20’s and have learned to reel it in more, but not always. I am also very sensitive about this personality (quirk? defect?) trait. I was kicked out of church camp when I was 16 or 17 because I thought I was joking around with someone (and I was, it was absolutely coming from a place of jovialness and not meanness or rudeness) and she, being an older lady, did not understand that, did not confront me or ask me about it, and in result, I was not allowed to go back the next year to HELP HOMELESS CHILDREN and be a camp counselor at Camp Baalam. I remember exactly where I was when my youth minister called to tell me that I wouldn’t be allowed back because of this so called “incident”. I was devastated. Hurt. Angry. Confused. What did I do? I didn’t do anything wrong! What? I was kidding! I was joking, and laughing, there were other people there too that knew I was joking around. Anyways, I digress, but this was just the first of many small incidents where I’ve been handicapped or denied whatever the next step was for me on that path. SO maybe that wasn’t the path I was supposed to be on. Maybe, that’s part of what has made me who I am today. I accept this and I am good with this, but it doesn’t change my memories or feelings about things like this. So to get back around to my point, I am aware of this personality issue of mine and I have been working on it my whole life. So why AM I single? Who knows, maybe I want to be, maybe I don’t even know that about myself yet. What I do know is this. I do get lonely sometimes. I don’t focus on it or dwell or cry or anything like that, but on occasion, I do. I want someone to be that person I can call and share exciting news with, or that “go-to” person for when I want to go see a show, try a new restaurant, whatever it is. I have lots of friends, girl & guy, but they are either married, in serious relationships, or single and a hot mess, or work so much they don’t have a lot of free time to do random things I want to do. I have a few crushes right now that I know are never going to happen, sadly. Either because they are in a committed relationship, or they might be considered “too young for me” although, I would disagree. But mostly my problem isn’t meeting people, it’s finally meeting someone cute, or cool or interesting, then, developing a slight interest, then discovering, they are either A. not single. 2. Not interested or C. A total player/dog/permanent bachelor man whore.  I ask you, where are all the gentlemen? Where are the guys who will hold a door open; not because you are unable to as a lady, but because it is chivalrous and polite, and because their mother raised them right. I don’t know, but I somehow have a knack for finding crazies. FML.

Part 2 coming soon... 


* Barney Beagle lived in a pet shop window. Every day he waited and wished for someone to choose him. People would stop and look at him in the window, and he would always ask himself, "Is this my boy? Is this the boy for me?" But the shoppers would always choose someone else.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Valentines Day Massacre

Wow. The trifecta of humanities lowest common denominator dined out this weekend... Bronner Brothers + Valentines Day amateurs + Saturday night typical crowd = 0-8% tip ratio. The bottom feeders were out in full effect. I mean, way to perpetuate the stereotype! Stiffing the people who were so sweet and nice to you, going out of their way to make sure you have every single fucking little tiny thing you need, all your refills, all your extra sauces, all your needs being met, running the shit out of your server and then "thanking" them with a $2.77 tip on a $93 check? What about the asshole military fuck that left ZERO on a $200 tab on Thursday? Even AFTER you asked your server to get you your 10% off military discount?! Thank goodness YOU made it back from your tour, and not someone else with an actual SOUL...

This is why your server would rather lose her job and get fired then have to deal with pieces of shit like these people anymore. There is a woman who works with us, who is the sweetest, most sincere, great at her job who is leaving the industry because she just can't take it anymore and she doesn't even have a back up job and I don't blame her one bit. 

Things have gotten out of hand. The hostesses can't seem to wrap their head around rotating seating, instead loading up one section at a time. Forget double seating, that's nothing, I'm talking about quadruple seating. How the FUCK am I supposed to give great service and individualized attention if you constantly and consistently FUCK us like that? And what is this shit about telling people there is a 15-20 minute wait, and let them go to the bar, order a drink, and then call them for their table 2 minutes later? LET THEM SIT FOR A FEW MINUTES! It makes your bartenders job harder because now he or she has to quickly, finish those drinks, process the payment and while several other patrons are needing his or her attention too. WHY CAN'T ANYONE BUT ME SEE THIS???

And why can't our hostesses bus a table? We have NO bussers from 3pm-6pm, yet we still have to tip them out 2% of all our sales. The dining room looks like a war zone, hostesses up front gabbing away about their life when they could be "following the bubble" and working as a team. If everyone would just do their part, then it would all flow a bit more smoothly.

It's all just so frustrating. And our "management" team....
Well, I'll save that for a later date...

Oh and these shoppers, who are these people who take pleasure in nit picking every little tiny detail that happens? The shoppers report from last Saturday detailed the fact that their bartender left the .09 cents change that was part of the tip in the cash drawer. WHY I ASK YOU, WHY DOES THIS MATTER???
Dear people who dine out at my restaurant on Saturday nights, I hate most of you. I try not too, but you all just make it impossible not too... and they wonder why people in the service industry drink?

Monday, November 05, 2012


I have been in Italia for one week and 3 days now. I spent the 1st day just on the outskirts of Roma, eating twice at a delicious restaurant walking distance from my Hotel Capanelle called Piazzetta del Gusto. The pasta was fresh and homemade and the wine was cheap and all was deliciouso! The 2nd day I drove to Pescara and found a medevil vecchio village in Monte Silvano that overlooked the Adriatic Sea. Molto Bueno! It was very windy that day but very nice outside, just cool enough to wear a light jacket. I took many nice photos and videos which I promise will litter this blog once I get home.

When I arrived in Pescara, it was right at 12noon and the church bells were ringing so I parked and went inside and had my first mass in Italy. Couldn't understand a thing, except for "dpace" pronounced pah-chay means Peace. And a few words of the Our Father. After it was over, I started to walk around a bit, it was kind of like a downtown city, but since nothing was opened, I decided to get back in the car and see if I could find the Madonna Sette Dolori I had set out to see. I discovered some beautiful countryside and winding roads, and small villages, and cafès where no one spoke English, but I could order a cafè (espresso) confidently in Italian saying per favore and grazie. I never found the Madonna, but I eventually made it back to Roma after getting lost many times. I cried to the gas station attendant that was the 3rd place I had stopped for directions and no one could speak to me. I wanted to go home. I think I was not used to being so disconnected from the world, from my phone, the internet, English, just everything. And I was alone.
But the next day I was going to meet Laila in Roma!

I met her at the airport Fiuminico where I dropped off my smart car (the tiniest car in the world and so fun to drive 140km per hour and I was still going too slow for some of these drivers!) and we took the Trenitalia to via Ottaviano where our hostel was located. It was about 1 minute walking distance from the Vatican so it was a very nice location. Diana (dee-anna) checked us in, gave us a room key, we dropped our stuff off and went out to walk around  bit and get some gelati! It was a bit cold so I ended up buying a nice warm fuzzy and soft scarf from the gypsy's which are EVERYWHERE in this country trying to push their wares on you. We found Millenium, the most delicious gelato we found in Roma. Only 10 minute walk from our hostel, Perfect. This was Monday night, Laila was tired so we went back to the hostel and she went to bed. I met some great people who had been staying there for a few nights already. Anna, Maria Jesus, Jonathan, Bog Dan, Edwardo (I think) and John Micheal from New York. I called him short sleeves. They invited me out with them and I went and am so glad I did because so far it was the most fun I've had at night in Italy. Laila always wanted to go to bed early and I never do. So anyways, we were looking for Campo di Fiore and found The Drunken Ship where our bartender Jill, from New Jersey and has lived in Rome for 2 years, immediately bought us all shots! It was a fun night and I took some nice pics on my phone which I will of course upload later.

The next day was our cooking class and I think I will write more later. ciao for now.


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

The Devil & Daniel Johnston

I just finished watching The Devil & Daniel Johnston. It was eye-opening as I had never really heard of him before today and I came to understand and feel for someone I will never understand, however who creates beauty with truth, art & poetry.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Barney Beagle

So I went on an impromptu date with this guy who was sitting at the bar where I work. I noticed him toward the end of the evening (we were slammed busy) and thought to myself, 'oh, he's kinda hot!' So I said something to the girl who was bartending and she said he was "annoying". I said, oh, too bad. Then I asked "why?" She said he talked to much. I deduced that she was annoyed by his talking b/c he was trying to close the bar and get her sidework done and get outta there. Fair enough.
Well, as the night progressed, her & I had a pretty funny banter going on where I was just giving her a hard time and we were just laughing and having fun. I noticed he was eating it all up and kind of a little bit staring at me, as I was him, sort of. So I ended up talking to him while I was doing my sidework (polishing wine glasses and such) this went on for 10 or 15 minutes. He asked me to go to the Braves game with him the next night. I was scheduled to work, however, I kind of did want to go (I hadn't been to a Braves game yet this year!) but I also didn't know anything about this guy and had only talked to him briefly. He seemed like a nice enough fella, but still..there are a lot of idiots that come in. I still wasn't convinced yet.
So I took his # and told him I needed to marinate on the idea and would call or text him to let him know.
I got someone to cover my shift, and decided, what the hell, I haven't been on a "date" (if that is what this was going to be) in FOREVER. Like, at least 3 or 4 years. Seriously. It's annoying.
But I digress...

next day...

I text him and tell him I am in, if he still is.
He texts me back and says he will call.
He calls.
We set up time/place to meet.

I go to meet him at the hotel he is staying at (Ritz Carlton downtown).
He meets me outside at the valet and tell me he is glad I decided to come with him to the game. He was going to go by himself anyways.
We go inside the hotel lobby and have a drink while we talk and start to get acquainted. The car service will be picking us up at 7 to take us to the game.
(I am beginning to be impressed at this point)
Fancy hummer car service to the game, VIP drop off, enter the gates, finding seats...WOW. 4th row behind the Braves dugout. SHAZAM!
I am throughly impressed now. He told me he even thought to try and get seats out of the direct sunlight (we are in Atlanta and it is HOT still at 7:30 on an early September evening).

I slightly become a Japanese tourist and start taking photos. I can't help myself, when I love something, I want to photograph it.

We have a great time at the game. Talking, laughing, and the Braves won so, that's always a plus.
Now the game is over. And I don't want this evening to end, because truth be told, I'm not sure I've ever been on a date this great. Here I am with a very good looking man, who has a decent enough job to where he's not struggling, he's making me laugh (and I him, I think), he's doting on me (no one dotes on me), and all I can think of is 'DAMN! why do u have to live all the way in Virginia?!?!?!'

Alas, sadly, he does.
And he went back today.
He did stop in and say bye, which I thought was sweet of him to bother. But it also made me a little sad, because if he had been more of an asshole/jerk, then it's easier to write off. But he doesn't seem to be. He seems to be a really great guy. And all I keep singing for the rest of the day in my head is Alanis Morissette's 'Isn't it Ironic' song; particularly the lyric that goes: "It's like meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife..."

Go fucking figure.
Of course.
Just my luck.

So that's it. He said goodbye, it doesn't appear that he is a regular visitor to my fine city and who knows when he will return. If ever, and if so, will he even bother to try and find me? Did he experience any of the same short-lived joy and happiness that I did? Or was this just a fun baseball game with some one he happened to meet while here?
Then my mind starts going AWOL...is he married? girlfriend? I have no idea. We didn't talk about any of that stuff. and honestly, I don't want to know if ther is any of those factors, it would just break my heart even more.

Dang. Why and how do I fall so hard & fast over seemingly nothing? I am actually affected to the point of sadness. I mean, I'm not moping around deliriously diluted about him, but I am disappointed that we can't have a second date, and a third, and a fourth...etc...


I guess only time will tell. One of my philosophies that I've lived by since I was 18 is "everything happens for a reason" and "if it's meant to be, it will be" and my favorite "everything works out in the end...if it hasn't worked out yet, it's not the end"

I want and hope he thinks about me and decides to try and stay in touch, and reaches out to call me or something.
Ya never know, right?
But then there's that word..."hope"
Hope can be a dangerous thing. It can allow you to hold onto something that you should let go, or should have let go a long time ago. I've been there before too. But how do you know when hope is good or bad for you to have?
I don't want to be one of these people who are all closed off and not open to possibility! But I also don't want to be someone who holds on to a sliver of nothing because I perceive it to be more than what it was or is.

So now what?

I guess I just hope and pray that God has something awesome waiting for me...whoever or wherever that may be.

I feel like Barney Beagle in the children's book waiting patiently for his boy to come and rescue him from the pet shop window, Every day he waited and wished for someone to choose him. People would stop and look at him in the window, and he would always ask himself, "Is this my boy? Is this the boy for me?" But the shoppers would always choose someone else.
All the other pets are being chosen & given homes & loved. I am still waiting for my boy to come, but when will he?

Saturday, August 06, 2011


I wonder what makes people think it's okay to cancel plans at the last minute? Here's the rub, I made definitive plans with someone, got out of my shift at work to attend this event, and 30 minutes before it starts, I am told that they already had plans with someone else and that they have to cancel. Great. Thanks. I possible could have asked someone else to attend this event with me had I ample notice. What exactly is it about me and my personality/character that makes you think it is perfectly acceptable to flake out at the last minute? This isn't the 1st time either. Lesson: never make plans with this person ever again? How can I let this person know in a positive way that they are continuously hurting my feelings, disappointing me, & pissing me off simultaneously? I have refrained from going off on a verbally abusive belittling rampage like I initially wanted to, because as we all know, it will do no good in the end and actually would probably cause some serious damage to our relationship. So I ask you, world wide webbernet, with all your tubes & wires & such...WHAT WOULD YOU DO?