A description of what it is like to be me. In my head...in my world...what I think...what I do...how i poo...but never why...and never about pie...

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

The Redneck Riveria

AKA: Panama City Beach, Florida.

Me and some friends decided to spend this Memorial Day Weekend in P.C - which is also called and maybe more commonly refered to as the "redneck riveria". This is NO exaggeration my friends. Just think of every stereotype for rednecks that you can think of and we saw it this weekend.

No doubt. It was, to say the least, hilarious. For example, here are a few things we saw... a keg being carried onto the beach by 2 strapping young bucks,

a hardbody competition at Club LaVela - for men and a bikini contest for women, also being recorded by the WB..nice.... there were quite a few do rags, airbrush tees, and rhinestone bathing suits, and lets not forget the classic coors light, corona & of course the rebel flag bikini.

Mullets were prevalent amoung the over 30 yr olds as well as their leathery surface. We were also priviliaged to spot a lime green brazilian cut banana hammock, yes on a man, and the next day he paraded around in a mango orange colored one. Fantastic people watching, as you can guess.

At the bar BUCK WILD my friends and I stood in awe at the "red" around us. There was a really good band playing there though called The Good Stuff who had an amazing keyboard player/harmonica player.

OH let's not forget the body shots that one of my friends did off the bartenders at KEY WEST BAR & GRILL.

I don't know what else to say about it all....you'll just have to see it to believe it, and even then, you won't believe your eyes....

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Have U Seen Me?

Excellent. I got an EXCELLENT shot of Spandex man yesterday on the way to look at a duplex on the corner of cracktown and 40 blvd. I should have taken a photo of the house. Actually, I do have a photo of the outside of the building, but the condition of the building was secondary to the people milling about the street outside. I had a good idea when the guy told me where it was that it probably wasn't all the great of an area, but I figured it might be down the street a bit and off the beaten path of the main road. For those of you who know the area, it was past Little 5 Points, down Moreland, turn left a the Church's Chicken and it was right there on the left. A duplex 2 bed 1 bat on top and bottom. $1000 for the whole damn thing. It sounded like a pretty sweet deal. My neighbbor & I are trying to move somewhere close so we can still be neighbors but we both still want our own place - kapeesh? So this sounded like the perfect situation....until we pulled up and saw the woman with no teeth clutching a brown paper bag with who knows what in it, sauntering by. Nice. I wanted to just pull away without even seeing the inside, but Nancy J insisted we take a peek. The place was a good size, but no central air and not even any a/c units - we would have to purchase them ourselves. (yeah right) So needless to say, that was a bust. But then I called a friend of mine who I had just remembered has various properties and rents them - he told us of this 4 bedroom, 3 bath whole house over in Grant Park - so we shimmied on over to that part of town to check it out...
This house was HUGE - hardwood floors, high ceilings, a fireplace in everyroom, a nice little front porch, quiet neighborhood, but safe and walking distance to the park for $1300 - a whole friggin house - that would be $650 each for the 2 of us. It was so big that even if we didn't want to see each other, we wouldn't have to. Perfect. We were only able to peep in thru the windows so we are scheduled to see the inside next week. Can't wait to move! My apartment is getting smaller and smaller every day...ugh. But we want to stay in the highlands is the only problem - but we still have plenty of time to decide since we can't move until August anyways. Oh well, only time will tell. Anyways, on with the photos!

Here is the close up version. a MUCH better photo than before. I was equipped with my camera this time - last time it was the camera phone.

This is the tee shirt I am getting made at CafePress! Awesome isn't it? Would u like to order one?

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

A bit more poop than pie

2 glasses of red wine, 3 sweetwater 420's, and a pbr in a can later and I was having a fantastic nite! But this morning....well, let's just say I feel like a pretty pretty princess (ugh, sigh). My friends The Luxury Kings played another fantastic set at the local world renowned blues club Blind Willies in the Virginia Highlands.

Monday, May 16, 2005

red red wine

Friday nite i drank almost an entire bottle of wine by myself..i mean i wasn't alone or anything (how depressing would that be?!), but i drank the wine single handedly while at a engagement party for a friend. Why are all my friends engaged, or already married, or having kids? Why? The thing that bothers me about it isn't that its not me - it's that's all they talk about - and I am standing there, gulping my wine, having nothing to contribute. For example. Here is how the conversation goes...
mary: oh well when WE got engaged, and at our wedding we did this...
sloan: oh well our wedding was this way and we did this...
michelle: oh this is how he propsed, and blah blah blah...

emily standing to the side with a full glass of red wine, slurping away quietly in the corner with nothing to contribute, b/c.. well, what am I suppossed to chime in with....yeah last nite I went and saw this band play and the bartender knew me so he kept pouring me and my friend shots...and we ended up stumbling home...and she fell in the bushes and we were cracking up laughing so hard our sides hurt and then I fell in the bushes.....well, i think u see my point...
it just doesn't really flow into the conversation so well...
so i sit back and pour myself another glass....

mmmmm, i love red wine....

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Freak the Jones

Isn't it lovely when you wake up the next morning after a nite of debauchery and there are no outgoing calls stored in your phone to any inappropriate someone's? I am so thankful for cell pohnes as they enable me to track and document every call I make. It's reassuring. I don't know what we all did before cell phones. If you happened to drunk dial people, you wouldn't find out until they told u. How embarressing! At least now we can be prepared. We can look at the phone call, see who it is we spoke to, what time it was when we called them AND how long the conversation was. For instance, one time when i drunk dialed someone I noticed that the call only lasted for about 15 seconds, so THAT was good, that means I probably only left message, or better yet, just hung up.
So needless to say I had a more difficult time peeling myself out of bed this morning and forcing myself into the shower.
I went out last nite and saw a band called Freak the Jones. Ever heard of 'em? Anyways, it was at 10 high (stumbling distance from my house) and stumble home I did...
Ugh, I feel like I fell out of a tree and landed in a big stinky pile of poo. Weeeeeeeeee! Or I'm still drunk. Not sure yet... Only time will tell. Guess it's cheeseburgers and coke for lunch for a nice greasy coating of the insides to make it all better. OH or Taco Smell! YUM! I want a bean burrito con sour cream, a cheesy gordita crunch and a meximelt. YeSSSSS! If you've never tried a cheesy gordita crunch, let me say that I HIGHLY recomend them. They are similar to the double decker taco but instead of beans inbetween the soft and hard tacos...its this delicious cheesy god-only-knows-what-its-made-of pink special sauce and it has extra cheese in the taco. I'm salivating, aren't you?

I've decided that I am going to try a new online personals thingy. Believe you me I had my doubts about this online dating service but now that I've met #26099, I'm chalking my walls in anticipation for the year 2015! I want you all to be as happy as I'm told I am.

Thursday, May 05, 2005


Every day I get an email from Dictionary.com. Today's word of the day is: Claque

Word of the Day for Thursday May 5, 2005

claque \KLACK\, noun:
1. A group hired to applaud at a performance.
2. A group of fawning admirers.

I imagine it's not always rainbows and flowers with a claque, especially after you emerge from the bathroom. Clapping like a bunch of idiots, and what not.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

John Denver is my drug of choice

Every morning on my way to work I drive thru the morningside neighborhood traffic circle. It seems that the other drivers on the road, which I would assume also go this same way every morning, MIGHT have been able to figure out the complex mysterious inner workings of this traffic circle. It isn't hard people, really, I promise - you just yield to traffic ALREADY in the circle, you don't just STOP ya friggin morons! GRRR!
And while we are on the subject of traffic...
HOw come every time there is a really extra stupid driver on the road doing something extra stupid like crossing 3 lanes of traffic to exit immediately, or switching back & forth lanes in a dangerous manner like there car has some sort of force field around it - every time I look to see what is causing this irresponsible and idiotic move it is either a taxi driver or a black woman. Now, I am NOT racist, let me just say this, but it's true - at least in my city. I implore you, if you are on the roads in Atlanta, take notice of who is making all the stupid moves I am sure you see every day 10 times a day...take notice of who is behind the wheel. My bro has a valiant explanation as to why and I agree. These woman are a product of reverse racism. I shit u not. They think that somehow, for some reason, they are "owed" something to them by society for all he pain and suffering that there great great great great great great grandfathers great great great great great grandfather had to endure back in the time of slavery. Well, I am sorry, but it wasn't ME so GET OVER IT. I have no problem with you or your color but I do have a problem with people who use lame excuses to act like assholes on the orad or otherwise. Okay, I feel much better now...

I have also decided that John Denver is my drug of choice. I went home yesterday...fuming. WHen i arrived I immediately stuck in the best of John Denver disc 1 and made my head right ;) and almost immediately I felt this great sense of release...I especially was drawn to Follow Me. Music has always helped me to define my feelings and has been therapeutic in helping me deal with otherwise unbearable situations. When Sunshine on my Shoulders came on I just let it all go and realized again that I am not in control and that everything works out in the end, if it hasn't worked out yet, it's not the end. My life is worth the livin’, I don’t need to see the end. There is something so comforting in his music and lyrics. NO FEAR. NO DOUBT. Everything will be allright.