A description of what it is like to be me. In my head...in my world...what I think...what I do...how i poo...but never why...and never about pie...

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Its gone... Its so far

Its gone... Its so far away again.. It was here so close and now its gone again.. I am having Aspen withdrawl...

Friday, February 02, 2007

Reposted from my Nov 21st blog...


I've been thinking about something lately.

Imagine this:

You're on an airplane, sleeping with your head against the window, your heart set on being home this time three hours from now. All of a sudden, something goes very wrong. The plane stops moving across the air and instead starts falling through it. The lights are flickering and the movie is skipping. The plane dips hundreds of feet in seconds, and the yellow cups fall from the ceiling. They're a brighter shade of yellow than you remember, because unlike the demonstration, these cups have never been handled before. "Flight attendants take your seats now", you hear, the pilot's voice trembling over a cacophony of alert tones. You get that smell in the bridge of your nose like you've just been hit with a football. That's what the fear smells like. The plane is going down.

Four more drastic drops in under a minute. People are crying. For all the folklore about how your life flashes before your eyes, you're remarkably fixed on one vision - your parents. They're sleeping at this very moment, in a bedroom so quiet they can hear the clock in the kitchen. And you can see them, clear as can be. You wish you could see a playground or a first kiss, but all you can see is your parents sleeping. Huh. Well, that's that.

Several long minutes go by. Then, all at once, the lights come back on and the plane somehow rights itself. Some people cheer, but most people cry harder. The plane lands about an hour later, and as soon as you feel that touch down - hell, even when you were within 50 feet of the ground and could still technically survive a fall - you realize that however you brokered the deal between you and God worked; you've just been granted life in overtime.

Here's the question: what do you change? Whom do you call that you haven't spoken to in years? Whom do you realize has been toxic to your heart and drop with surprising ease? What trips do you cancel, and what trips do you book? What can't you be bothered with anymore? What's the new you like?

Think about that, and then ask one more question. Why not just change it all right now?

(Working on it...)


Big Week...

This has been a big week for me. On Monday, I told that man that I love, that I love him, always have and always will. Today (Friday) I have a meeting which I will ask for a "market level adjustment" in my salary.

The thing I did on Monday wasn't planned for Monday, but it was planned, and had been for awhile, just not for on my lunch break. I was actually hoping to do it in the evening hours after a couple of cocktails had been consumed (liquid courage u know). However, as we all know, it doesn't matter how much you plan for something, it's typically not going to go exactly as you expected. Anyways, it went well and I will skip all the details because I don't feel like sharing them with everyone. I would like to keep this part of my life private -so don't ask me about it in person if you see me - I am in a good place right now and it will be awhile before I hear back from him I am sure of that, and that is just fine with me. I just needed to get it off my chest and put it out there. Stir the coals a bit is all. I am not ready to change my lifestyle just yet...in time I will be, but I am good right here, right now. I just wanted him to know how I felt because life is short and you never know how long any of us have here. SO we are good and I feel as if a weight has been lifted.

On to the next big thing...
I am pretty nervous about this. I have never done this sort of thing before. (well, I hadn't ever done the first thing either, but that was cake compared to the anxiety I am having on this one!) So if you are reading this, send me up a little prayer or wish of good luck today. I need all the confidence I can muster and I hope I will choose the right words. That is all for now, I need to read over all my papers I have prepared just one more time.

Blue out~!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Ice Storm...2007...NOT!

Last night I went over to my friend's house who has twin 5 month olds to play with them (they are the CUTEST babies ever - except for me when I was little....of course!) and to watch the train wreck that is American Idol auditions...
Then I stayed up too late last night doing the ice and snow dance hoping and praying for enough inclement weather to induce a later "in" time to work, to no such success as it were. DAMN U GEORGIA WEATHER! (shaking my fist in the air at the gods of snow and ice) Why is it that it's never cold enough when it precipitates, and when it IS cold enough. It’s dry as a bone! WTF!?