STFU, please just STFU... FML1.0 - A History of petty insignificant allowance, as determined by individual. Part 1.0 The Maddening... Advice encouraged

Have you ever met someone who will not let you get a word in vertically?
Who cannot let 2 words escape your mouth before they are INTERRUPTING and giving you their defense or excuse as to why, or better yet, brings up something that has NOTHING to do with the topic, but is an attack on you personally.
Who says things like 'stop telling me I'm a bad person' 
..... but I ACTUALLY said EXACTLY was "you're acting like an obstinate spoiled little brat." 

OH

MT

GAWD

BECKY

I'm getting worked up thinking about the CIRCLES of conversation I don't know why I kept trying to have with the mental patient I currently co exist with in way too close a space who never leaves the house and is constantly scolding me or telling me the longest most boring story I've ever heard that I want to stab my ears with the closest sharp object and is probably why I have high blood pressure. 

Yes, you've told, me that story 2x already tonite.

It's like trying to have a conversation with a belligerent drunk except he's not? Or maybe he is... He constantly lies to everyone about his alcohol consumption and is never taken responsibility for anything that i've known about.

I want to chug whiskey. That's how I feel around him so I can tolerate his INSANITY.

God help me.

to be continued...

Audio will be available soon.

FML

Moonlanding & Beyond...

 I've been living out of bags for about a month. 

I left on a Sunday. I returned on a Sunday at almost the exact time I left (not intentionally). The time in between changed me forever. 

I had just been informed by my ever so gracious & courteous employer that "my services were no longer required" after working a grueling hot summer with hundreds of thousands of (mostly happy, but sometimes impatient & trying) tourists gracing our patio & well known location, just outside of Aspen, Colorado made infamous by Johnny Depp in a film from 1994. Never late, never called out, ALWAYS showed up sober (not something I can say for other currently employed there people). I know? MODEL EMPLOYEE. Especially in this day in age. Citing that they were keeping only senior people through the off season and then telling me that they're keeping someone I helped train. "You're welcome to apply again next spring" YOU SHOULD BE SO LUCKY.

But I digress....
I left about a week & a half later to go camping for a few days...
A FEW DAYS.

My intention was to be back by Wednesday for my pizza shift (a job I still have & hold dear to my heart. One of my most favorite jobs & people I've ever worked with. <3 )

Good intentions...

I left with a friend & her boyfriend who have a van. I'm in a 2019 Buick Encore. A mini-suv they call it. Ha.
We left from beautiful Glenwood Springs, CO & headed toward beautiful Moab, Utah. If you've never been there, WOW, drop everything & go. NOW. Arches National Park, Canyonlands National Park, dinosaurs, atv's a cliff side restaurant & great tacos await you in this quaint charming town & the general vicinity of.

We met up with a caravan of van lifers who call themselves, the Van Camp Hooligans. 

We arrived after dark to their gps dropped pin location that my friend had. I knew NOTHING of this specific group or really about the society & COMMUNITY this lifestyle brings out in people who choose to explore, discover, hike, live where ever they park it. It is truly a magnificent lifestyle. These people work remotely at a great variety of jobs, careers & passions to meagerly, but completely sustainably, live on the road full time. Some of the folks were full time & some part time, hunkering down for the winter at a relative or friend's pad. Each individuals' rig was uniquely their own. Supplied with electricity, stoves, dish washing sinks, bathrooms, showers & starlink! Some had poop tents & full cocktail bars & made waffles out of their Prius. Some only had a one burner propane stove, extra sleeping bags & lived out of their car.

So we arrived after dark to their fearless leader, Presidente' Helen's, greeting and parked our homes, situated the bedding situation, and meandered over to the campfire where there were 6-7 people I had never met before & knew absolutely nothing about. My friend I was traveling with had chatted online via the FB group with a few of them & had also never met them, but were at least vaguely familiar with names and few odd details about their life. I'm the type who is very social once comfortable, but upon initial meeting, I like to suss everyone out & observe & listen to get a feel if these are my people or not, I admit i made a few early misguided judgements about almost everyone - I'm delighted to discover I was phenomenally wrong about every single one. 

Several hours later, I had everyone left at the fire playing a repeating game my younger brother taught me when he was in high school. I'm not going to type it out, but I will say this,,,
YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS I'M A TURTLE!

The next morning, everyone at the camp spot gathered & had coffee & tried to remember the silly words to the game we played the night before. This would be ongoing for the next 4-5 days, where various members of this little mini-sub-tribe I had inadvertently created through the unifying of the game, would see me and start shouting the limerick at me. lol I loved it.

After everyone had packed up their rigs, we were ready to go. Onto Durango we were headed for "warmer" weather. HA! Hilarious about the plans you make & what actually transpires. But I digress... 

We caravanned out of Willow Springs SE with 6 rigs in tow. Helen leading the way. We drove through some gorgeous scenery and approximately 3 hours later arrived at our home for the evening, to 41° weather. YIKES!

Most of us still exhausted from the night before's festivities, or because of the cold,  we all kind of stayed in our vehicles.My friend made us some grub & she & her boyfriend, my angel face Bella & myself piled in her van & hunkered down to watch Beetlejuice.

These bitches were snoring in less than 15 minutes into the movie. I stayed until the end & then left their cosy warm comfy mattress with my Bella & went to my car to turn on the heat & go to bed.

Next morning, coffee, bfast, pack, go.

After a quick stop at Walmart for any needed supplies,  another beautiful drive towards the moon. We ended  poaching up Bluewater state park just outside Thoreau, NM. Now I think there were 7-8 of us by the morning. Picked up a few more hooligans along the way. Next morning, Wednesday. We're headed to a van life event called Moonlanding I, located near Sky View, NM. Helen has an "in" with the promoters & our little caravan has been invited to come into the event a couple days early & join the property owners at their home for a pot-luck. We stopped at another Walmart to regroup & meet a few others & to assess the monsoon rain road washed out to event situation. Word was, road had been attended to, & it was safe to enter. A decision wa,s made to continue on. 11 of us now in the caravan, we followed blindly to the destination. I was 6th in the line, my friend (who incidentally had all my bedding in her van) was 3rd. Pulling into the event, at 3:30pm,  there were 2 roads. 1....2.....3....4....rigs get trough the thick wet sticky mud....the 5th van (the one directly in front of me) gets stuck halfway thru. Then, the 7th one, behind me, also gets stuck. 4 hours later, after confusion, frustration, an abandoned tractor & one of our group saving the day, the vans are towed out of the mud and I am free!

Van #7 & I retreat to a satellite location we jokingly named Saturn Rising, it was a safe FS Rd spot that others who were headed towards the Moonlanding event could take refuge in since the road was unpassable. There were 4 of us that night. Next morning, rig by rig started showing up, totalling 12 in all by nightfall. We had our tribes, & we dined with them, and a few of us gathered by a small fire at one end of the encampment.Next day - 260 TONS of gravel in 13 tractor trailers arrived at the scene to save the Moonlanding from being a total washout! YAY ROCKS!

I finally arrive at the moon, reunited with my friends who made it through. The road was now easily passable, even though I did suffer just a smidge of ptsd pulling in. The event was separated by different zones. Ours was called Mare Vaporum, I still have no idea what that means but I made up the moniker "marijuana vape" as the basic root of it to help me remember. There was a Zen Zone & a Quiet Zone, far away from any of the fun & excitement for those who needed shelter. There was a WUZABUS - dj light show & PA equipment all in one. Let's not forget to mention the dope top of the WUZABUS complete with rooftop fire.

The Foggy Memory Boys graced us with their fine bluegrass into the night which was then followed by the  dance party supplied by the Electric Mayhem inspired WUZABUS.

Van Camp Hooligans closed the night out around 3am...

Saturday. 7:30am. Awake. It's cold, I gotta pee & I'm sleeping in my car.. causes one to wake up earlier than one might be used to in their own bed at home. I might still be drunk too...

There is a message sent out about an espresso bar in the zen zone - I wrangle myself out & seek it out... only to find, great value brand freeze dried coffee crystals and lukewarm water. The guy peddling this free swill doesn't even know how to make coffee. Espresso, IT IS NOT. He spoons one measly teaspoon into my cup & asks if that's enough? I tell him yes because I am trying with all my might not to be a rude asshole, and dump a packet of hot cocoa into the swill. I thank him, walk away, take a sip, but it's still undrinkable. On my way back to my people, I pass by the Wyoming Whiskey tent & decide that I can in fact improve upon the freeze dried swill. I dump about 4-5 oz of double cask whiskey into my unassuming paper Mc Cafe cup I've had since I left that Sunday...  

10AM: I'm a litle buzzed from the night before & a little buzzed from the Irish coffee - someone is smoking a joint when I return & I happily imbibe in that too. Nap time. Yesssssssssss

12:30 - still sleepy, but famished. Helen & Cookie are making tortilla pizza - I grab a couple triangles & decide to see if I can get a massage from Shamane. During this amazing massage it pours rain, but inside her safe candlelit, warm, incensed sanctuary, I am experiencing total bliss. 

Afterwards, I meander back to Mare Vaporum & take another nap. Later I take another nap in my friends van - and then because of FOMO, I wander back to the WUZABUS to hear the jazz band scheduled for that night. I don't much feel like drinking tonight but then someone offers me some red wine & I decide that's exactly what I do want. Sitting amoungst people I barely know, we sit around the huge firepits & chin wag the night away.

Sunday morning. My friend & her man decide they want to head to Santa Fe to go check out Meow Wolf.I had been the past April & I wanted nothing to do with packing up & leaving. I had been on the move night after night with only this time staying 2 nights in a row & I just wanted to plant. Plus there were more festivities to be experienced. They left. I stayed. I made new friends. We enjoyed a joint rolling contest, a film festival & the subdued musical stylings of Dennis, followed by some chill house from the WUZABUS. 

The group around the fire that night was smaller, and it was nice to connect with those that remained.

Monday A.M. - took me about 2 hours to pack up my tent & get organized in my car. Everyone in our Mare Vaporum group had moved onto greener pastures, so I moved my home closer to those who decided they weren't ready to leave. The owners came by & invited the 11 of us left to a lasagna dinner at their home, they took us over in groups in their mini van & ATV - 3 - 4 t a time. At sunset, Amanda took 2 of us & 3 dogs on a ATV tour of the 656 acres they purchased only 5 months earlier. She described to us her grand vision for the property, including cabins, future festival events camping sites & a bike path. 

The last night around the fire was intimate & relaxed with the 11 of us either deepening our newly found connections, or still striking up new ones.

TUES: 10AM - I'm out. I say my goodbyes and head towards warmer weather. Helen is just outside of Sedona, so I decide to head there, detouring through  the Petrified Forest. I arrive just about sunset & we make a fire - Wyoming Whiskey to warm our insides & the fire to warm our outsides. I am happy to not be completely alone after such a life altering event.It's just the transition I need. 

WED: I explore Bell Rock in Sedona that day & take my first pseudo bath at Sliding Rock State Park just North of Sedona. I arrive back at camp again around sunset & we are now trying to coerce another Van Hooligan, who isn't far, to come join us. She arrives the next afternoon (THURSDAY) & we are now 3. We have a nice fire and go to bed talking of spam & eggs for breakfast...

FRIDAY: Helen has an emergency at work  & has to dip. He's gone by 9am & we are without breakfast. Boo. c'est la vie 

Willow & I explore Montezuma Well, a mere 5 miles from our campsite and then I head south to Scottsdale to see some friends from Florida I haven't seen in over 4 years. It's 99 there and I swim in their apartment pool, bask in their hot tub.After some delicious Chinese take out & hours pf playing with their 4,6 & 10 year old girls, I bid my adieu & head back to camp.

SAT: I am determined to get to the Grand Canyon by tomorrow - so today I must travel. I pack up, say good bye to Willow & head up 89A to 40 W towards the GC. I camp just off the hwy a few miles outside Wiliiams. It is rainy and muddy & cold. YUCK. I already miss warm beautiful Sedona...

SUN: 6:24AM: I find a diner for breakfast & have an amazing morning. I'm finished by 8 and head towards the GC, a short 50 minute drive. I'm in the par by 9AM and have an amazing day taking pictures & hiking part of the South Rim trail.

I enjoy a delicious vanilla cherry porter at one of the hotel bars in the market village with a bowl of chili & take a few more pictures. Willow, in the meantime, is driving towards the Gc - I meet her at a FS Rd free campsite just outside of the park. We have a fire while she works. I break out the whiskey again, It's a another beautiful relaxing night.

8AM - MONDAY - Helicopters start roaring by RIGHT OVER OUR CAMP. One after another, about every 1-2 minutes for at least AN HOUR! I thought there was an emergency or fire or something awful happenine gin the GC. NOPE. Just tourists in their heli-tours. Good for them, I don't wanna camp there ever again tho.

Willow has to log in to work again by 6pm that evening - my friend who went home to work - is planning on meeting us late that night - I find us a comparable meeting place at Mexican Hat Rock in Utah. Willow heads towards the location, I dawdle leaving the GC from the desert side, stopping to take photos & end up arriving after dark, only to find that Willow hasn't chosen a camp spot. I find us one that I had seen earlier while searching for her 1994 Van with a circle window & we set up for the night. We stay up until 1am waiting for my friend to arrive and we are 3 again. 15 minutes later we are all going to sleep. Tomorrow Bryce Canyon!

From Mexican Hat Rock, 261, to 95, then left on 24 after Hanksville. The most beautiful gorgeous scenic drive you could ever hope to enjoy. We camped about 2 hours out from Bryce. It was cold cold cold. Woke up at 4am - drove to get into Bryce before they started charging (Hooligans, remember?) and we get to Sunrise Point in time to see the sun rise. It was majestic.It was COLD AF - but it was majestic.

Went our separate ways during the day, my friend accidentally left the park looking for a Fairyland hiking trail so she found us a sweet spot just outside & set up camp. I poached a free shower on the way & met up with the others around 4. We built a fire, listened to music & laughed the night away. 

THURSDAY: My friend had to book it back to work so she left by 8am and Willow & I left a few hours later. After a gas up, ice up & food up, she decided she needed to head back towards Phoenix so she could get her stuff in order & catch a flight by Sunday to Florida.

I was on my own for the 1st time. 

I headed towards Monroe, Utah - there's some free hot springs (according to Roadtrippers) there I wanted to find & it seemed like there was some close BLM land according to iOverlander.

I bathed in the magnificent hot springs & then found my way to a place labeled The Flats on iOverlander. it took me a tumultuous & precarious way, but I made it up Thompson Basin & I was the only one out there watching a mountain burn - a prescribed burn - and absolutely stunning. 
FRI: I chilled in 75 degree weather topless all day, reading a book & playing catch with Bella.

I fell asleep with my back hatch opened watching it burn the last night with 70 degree weather allowing me to do so.

SAT: people have invaded my camp. It's cloudy & I'm ready to head towards Moab, a near 3 hours from home & what I thought would be also warm. Another hooligan is around that area so I am hoping to meet up with her, but she's gone to Canyonlands & will be out of service most of the day, so I m hopeful, but not married to the spots recommended on iOverlander, but most seem too crowded or too hard to get to (high clearance vehicles & 4x4 required) - I checkout Behind the Rocks, a spot about 15 miles east, it's beautiful, but it's so windy, no service at all - I decide to leave.I try again to communicate with my fellow hooligan - no response. It's getting to be 5;30 & I know I don't have much daylight left. I decide to venture behind the McDonalds - Kane Canyon Rd - and end up way deep in a beautiful established campground called The Ledge.

It's $20 a night. I haven't paid for one night thus far. This would be the 1st, I don't want to look anywhere else. I find spot 28, next to some nice looking boys who waved at me on the way in, and unload. I wander up towards the front to pay, and talk with the boys for a few minutes. They said no one had been by since they were there so I walked up to the fee station, took an envelope, ripped off the receipt side, stuck the other in the box & pinned it to my campsite. All blank.

Bella made friends with the boys before I did, and we ended up hanging out together for a little while - another mountain biker (SO HOT btw), stopped by and it was really lovely, spontaneous & fun until the rain ruined the night. 

SUN: it rained all night. I had to pack up wet muddy gear while it continued to rain on & off all morning and decided I'd had enough of cold wet muddyness & headed home back to GWS.

That drive was the most stressful rainy, snowy, sleety, scary, drive. I arrived back in GWS at 2pm on the 1st snowfall of the year for the Roaring Fork Valley. It was weird being home after being gone for that length of time. It was also very nice to sleep in my own bed and have a proper shower. 

I am so thankful that I had this time to explore and be free and meet all the wonderful people I met along this spontaneous journey. I cannot wait to see you all again, on down the road....

For pictures of this journey, please see my IG: https://www.instagram.com/emilyblueblue/

Applesauce and word vomit taste the same

 As I sauntered out of my house this (ahem) morning... in SOMEONE's timezone it's morning. anyways, As I frolicked out of my abode....pounced out of my apartment... eh you choose.. anyways, as I left, I tucked my house key into the pocket of the BigBoi bean bag chair I had set in the hallway about a week ago, simply because I was cleaning my room (for the 4th time this year) and decided that it didn't need that, but I also wasn't quite ready to part with it either...so I set it in the hallway. I mean if the drunk neighbor can decorate the outside of this door frame with all matters of frat-like signage and paraphernalia.... like a street sign above his door that reads "BIG JOHNSON" ; also happens to be his last name... but I didn't know that when he moved in, I just thought he was a DOUCHE.....not that he's NOT that..... also a sign that reads "hippies use back door" but then on the other side is a beautiful piece of Buddhist art and then a rainstick.... also above the door is a red rider bb gun from A Christmas Story... a true classic; I adore how giggly my father gets every time its on... but I digress...

So I'm on the way out the door...

Bella is pulling me with a force so strong I just give in for the first 10 minute of our walk, or should I call it the owner pull along... Blue Dream was populating my brain and perspective and I was wandering along when there was cute boy beaming at my dog, she really does have the effect of pure joy when she smiles at you and starts wagging that tail like you're the person she most wanted to see in the whole world.... I would like someone to look at me this way....

Around the next bend were the cutest chalk drawings on the sidewalk of a beaver and a mouse?.... is it weird that I took photos? idk, I did. 

Next were the cows....the free library, the playground and then the crunchy leaves across the field that led to the food whole and Willits shopping center.... 

I was inspired to have a beer in the sun....so I waltzed into the walk upo window at Sure Thing burger joint and procured myself a $3.50 blonde ale. Can't beat the price. Scotty came out to chat with me, and everyone else he knew coming and going into and out of his shop...which incidentally was everyone...

He started venting about the private land vs public land laws in front of his store front., and with good reason. But I'm not into politics so I'll just continue the story...

After a few beers I was feeling pretty good. Should I go to the food whole or not? I did. And I bought the most random assortment of items. Ahi tuna, atlantic salmon, marys gone crackers, sardines, creamed spinach with kale, and cocktail onions. I was most excited about the cocktail onions which was a last minute snag off a shelf as I was passing by quickly. I just finished The Queen's Gambit on Netflix and wanted to try a classy gibson at home...Now I've made many a gibson for guests I've waited on, however, I had never ordered one myself or even made one for myself at home...until to night....

When I drank vodka in the past, I would order it extra dirty...but I always liked the cocktail onions ...

As I drink I write. I haven't written in this in over a year and for some reason was drawn to words again this evening... perhaps because I think know one reads this, and I don't know why anyone ever would or did, I think at one time I had some interesting musings but now I think my musings aren't as interesting... I need inspiration, I need love, I need attention... and I haven't understood this until just now but I've also been living in a cloud. 

Grief is a motherfucker.

WTF McDonalds?

So apparently The ONLY difference Between a Double cheeseburger and a McDouble is ONE slice of cheese and .89 cents? When I went up to the counter to inquire about what was the difference between the 2 sandwiches, every employee ignored me before I asked the counter girl about the discrepancy, she barely acknowledged that I spoke to her and turned to get the manager. I politely asked what the difference was, she never answered me but instead just took my sandwiches and ordered a recook. When she handed me back the 2 burgers, I opened them and they looked the same again. So I asked her (politely) what is the difference between the 2? She answered me politely that the only difference was placement of cheese or something that, I’m still not sure what the answer is... however, had she just explained this to me when I originally went to ask (instead of walking away and taking my sandwiches without a word), I would’ve had my meal and been on my way... So because of the lack of communication, I was HIGHLY DISSATISFIED with my experience at McDonalds today. 

America, stop crying and man up!

OMG America. STFU already. Stop putting all your energy in to all this bitching & moaning & whining & complaining & insulting. It's pathetic  and embarrassing. Focus on something good,  anything good. If we all put this much energy into something good, instead of throwing a national tantrum & pointing fingers at either side, we might actually do some good for the heart & soul of our country. Accept, get over & move on. There's nothing you can do to change the past. Focus on the future and stop seething with hate and animosity. Hate only breeds more hate. Spread love and joy and see it returned to you 10 fold. The end.

Blue Fire Guru

In yesterday's post, I came to the conclusion that I am on fire.

It's not the first time I've said this either. And what I mean by this is exactly what EMINEM is talking about in his song 'On Fire' off the RECOVERY album. I've always loved EMINEM and I've always loved his music, and especially this particular album. Last year I was listening to it a lot around this same time of September - October, and specifically to the song 'Lose Yourself', probably because I had just re watched the movie 8 mile, but then the songs started speaking to me and giving me a sense of understanding, inspiration and even therapy!

"...if you had, one shot or one opportunityTo seize everything you ever wanted in one momentWould you capture it, or just let it slip?...You better lose yourself in the music, the momentYou own it, you better never let it goYou only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blowThis opportunity comes once in a lifetime...The soul's escaping through this hole that is gapingThis world is mine for the taking, make me kingAs we move toward a New World OrderA normal life is boring; but superstardom'sClose to post-mortem, it only grows harderHe only grows hotter, he blows it's all over"- EMINEM 'Lose Yourself' off the RECOVERY album
~~~
Consequently, I bought bluefire.guru website name where I will be using that as a blog space to post interesting articles I find related to self discovery and striving to live for a higher porpoise.
(see what I did there?)

http://www.savejapandolphins.org/
~~~
Here's some sciency stuff for all you sciency types:BLUE FIRE IS HOTTER AND HAS MORE ENERGY!!!~~~
The color of the visible light results from the energy.Blue light is more energetic than red light, which is why blue fire is hotter than a red fire, it has more energy it is giving off.

Here we have the spectrum of light, from Radio to Gamma waves, in increasing energy. It shows how the visible red light is less energetic than visible blue or purple light.

 

Please visit
  bluefire.guru
in a couple weeks for more posts like this if you like what you read.

:)
~~~
Spread joy in everything you do.
Live Love every single day.
See kindness in everyone.
Change your thoughts and change the world.
~~~
Blue OUT~!

24 hour friendship...

This isn't the 1st time music has helped me through a difficult emotional time...

..from wikipedia:

"Sensory overload occurs when one or more of the body's senses experiences over-stimulation from the environment. There are many environmental elements that impact an individual. Examples of these elements are urbanization, crowding, noise, mass media, technology, and the explosive growth of information.^[1] Sensory overload is commonly associated with sensory processing disorder. Like its opposite sensory deprivation, it has been used as a means of torture.

Most often the quickest way to ease sensory overload symptoms is to remove oneself from the situation.

Prevention: There are two different methods to prevent sensory overload: avoidance and setting limits. The process of avoidance involves creating a more quiet and orderly environment. This includes keeping the noise to a minimum and reducing the sense of clutter. To prevent sensory overload, it is important to focus your attention and energy on one thing at a time. Setting limits involves restricting the amount of time spent on various activities and selecting settings to carefully avoid crowds and noise. 
One may also limit interactions with specific people to help prevent sensory overload."

SOURCE - WIKIPEDIA

~~~When someone is experiencing this, and they tell you that they need some space and they need to be alone, the absolute WORST thing you can do is push this person and/or try to manipulate them by attempting to guilt them! If he would have respected my choice and allowed me to leave the situation that was creating the problem, this post would never have been written and we might have become good friends...BUT...that didn't happen.... I met this person less than 24 hours ago and I told this dude that I just had too much on my mind and too much to do and needed to be able to focus so I would appreciate it if he would go home after we ate at The Vortex... As an Aries, which is a fire sign, the ABSOLUTE WORST thing you can do is push me. If you fight fire. you're going to get burned. This is just a factual universal law.

~ ~ ~

 "If you fight fire with fire, everyone will get burned, 

and nothing will be salvaged from the mess."

and nothing will be salvaged from the mess."

SOURCE

ESPECIALLY BLUE FIRE!
 

IT IS HOTTER AND HAS MORE ENERGY!!!

(yeah I'm hotter, lol ;)   

SOURCE

The color of the visible light results from the energy.

Blue light is more energetic than red light, 

which is why blue fire is hotter than a red fire, 

it has more energy it is giving off.

 

Here we have the spectrum of light, from Radio to Gamma waves, in increasing energy. It shows how the visible red light is less energetic than visible blue or purple light.

~ ~ ~

I met this dude last night, we hung out, in a purely platonic way, which I made absolutely clear that it was. But in the morning, he should have left, unless I specifically asked him to stay, he should have offered to leave and not presumed that I wanted you there all day!

  

YES, I appreciate your help bringing in the boxes from my car, and helping figure out and break down my inversion table. And I expressed this gratitude many times, thanking you. And then when we went to get dinner, and YOU offered to pay for my meal, that was nice too, and I thanked you for that. I never expected you to do that and I could have payed for it myself, but again, thank you! But when he started saying 'i did this for you', and 'I did that for you' and 'i paid for everything' and 'can't you just do this for me since i did all this nice stuff for you?'

NO, ACTUALLY, I CAN NOT & WILL NOT.
  I will not compromise my self and my being because you seem to think I owe you something. 
Then the text messages started rolling in, one right after another.... until I blocked his number and put his shit outside my apartment door & sent him the BYE FELICIA meme! (my actual last communication to him! lol)

"your mean" (don't even get me started on a tangent about the improper use of the "you're"!!!!)

       "i paid for everything"

       "I didn't have to make those boxes.."

       "I really like you and think you are great"

       "can you drive me home?"
We already talked about how I couldn't take him back to Marietta (I am starting to think there's something in the water up there that makes people a little or a lot CUCKOO! :) 

I also know that he's been drinking since earlier that day, he made it seem as if he was hungover and used it as an excuse to make the 1st one, but I'm pretty on top of things and observing everything that goes on and I know he continues to make drinks and although he asked me for the 1st beer, he also drank LAST beer! (I didn't realize this until much much later, you just never take anyone's last anything without asking 1st, it's bad ju-ju)

These were all coming in AFTER I politely told him earlier that I have a lot of things to do, a lot of things on my mind and that I just needed to be alone! He literally was not taking NO for an answer.

It made me feel like that crazy Jekyll-Hyde muther fucker that I dated. In fact the more I thought about it, there were a lot of the same exact behaviours coming from this guy as there were from captain-crazy-pants, he even used similar terminology/words saying things like "I'm not stupid" (this was in response to something unrelated and I never called him stupid or used that word, he was putting words in my mouth and using his filter to perceive what I was asking) ...

"I don't know you and no I don't owe you a muth-a fuck-in thing"
Can you not read the signs? Can you not feel the energy? Can you not hear me when I specifically tell you and ask you for a little space? I am actually quite proud of myself for handling as long as I did. I now know that I cannot be around people right now. We are the average of the 5 people we hang around.  

Last night for example, I told him so many times that I was exhausted and that I wanted to go to sleep, he STILL WOULD NOT STOP FUCKING TALKING! About NOTHING and EVERYTHING! I finally got up to use the bathroom but instead slept on my own couch, after a few minutes, he got up to see where I was and stood over me (I had my eyes closed and was even fake snore/sleeping lol) and actually started talking to me and was trying to wake me up" by saying my name and telling me to move to the bed. TELLING, not asking. Do you know that most people, when sleeping, are not nice if you wake them up? Why would you wake someone up? "Let sleeping dogs lie" is how the saying goes, right? 
Wow.
Here's the red flag that had I listened to my gut, would have prevented this post from ever being written....
When we were at his house in Marietta grabbing a few things, he showed me & wanted to bring his gun to my house because were going to "Atlanta"! (I live in a quiet little neighborhood called Morningside) - in hindsight, this should have been my FIRST red flag that I should have left is ass in crazietta.

 However, even after all that insanity, it is now over and I am still very thankful that he was there to help me be productive all day, because I did get a lot accomplished.  

And that was my 24 hour friendship... 

~ Blue OUT  !

Anthroposophy

Anthroposophy, a philosophy founded by Rudolf Steiner, postulates the existence of an objective, intellectually comprehensible spiritual world that is accessible by direct experience through inner development. More specifically, it aims to develop faculties of perceptive imagination, inspiration and intuition through the cultivation of a form of thinking independent of sensory experience"
SOURCE - wikipedia

+NRG :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Lately, I've been feeling that I am more sensitive to colors, sounds, people, environments, energy, lighting, etc. Even a few minutes with someone who is not like minded, can alter my unhappiness and un-harmoniousness with the universe to the point of I have got to leave the room.
I just had to kick this dude out of my apartment. I felt as if I was about to or actually having a serious anxiety attack. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't focus, I started feeling very uncomfortable and creepy crawly, and I hated that feeling so much, that I just couldn't take 1 more minute. One thing good MIGHT have come out of it tho....He SAID he would rent my apartment...but people who talk that much rarely have much to actually say of validity, so we'll see if he follows up. I will give the landlord his info though, but in all actuality, it's not my dog. I can't wait to get started on my new life and move on and up!
~~~
  

"You're on fire
That's how you know you're on a roll
Cause when you hot its like your burning up everyone else's cold
You're on fire
Man I'm so fucking sick I got ambulances pulling me over and shit
You're on fire
You need to stop drop and roll"
Cause when you say some things the whole world is gonna blow (lyric amended to reflect my own experience)
- EMINEM - 'On Fire' RECOVERY album

VDAY-Part 1

Valentines Day is hard for everyone (pun intended). It’s hard on dudes & bros because there is the pressure of “the perfect gift”.  So many factors to consider. How long have you been dating? A very short time and it can be awkward, because maybe you haven’t said the only 3 words that can break a person’s heart, rip it into shreds, tear it, chew it up, spit it out, throw it on the floor and stomp on it. (what, too much?) Maybe you just started dating a few weeks ago and you don’t know if this is the all impending “ONE”. Maybe you’re dating a couple of people, casually; you reasonably like all of the people, but you’re not ready to choose just one of them yet because you are still getting to know each other and figure out this life thing, this who am I thing, (even some “adults”, who you think might have it all together, still struggle with this one kids ;) etc.

Or maybe you’ve been married for 40 years, or 10, or 2. Maybe you’re in a doomed relationship. Maybe only one of you realizes that. Maybe both of you do. Or maybe you’ve just fallen in love, and everything is rainbows & unicorns & fireworks & happiness…or maybe only one of you feels that way… Or, maybe you’re single. You might be single and bitter about the hope of finding a decent man, a gentlemen, someone who completes you. Maybe you’ve already met & dated the great love of your life, and it was cut too short, or your paths just took different directions, and when your paths finally re-crossed, to reference the late great William Shakespere, “the timing just wasn’t right”. (Romeo & Juliet) Maybe you’re single & hopeful (although I can’t say I know many in this category, even if I do happen to be one of those people) and you’re still waiting for your boy to come (*Barney Beagle). Yeah, I’m single. Single as fuck. In fact, I dropped off boyfriend # 10 back in his natural habitat of crazy town USA right before Christmas 3 years ago.  #3 is the one I miss the most & will always love & cherish forever. But everyone else, I can honestly say that I thought I loved all of them, until something reared its ugly head (the head wasn’t always ugly per se, sometimes it was just a mutual agreeance that it just wasn’t there) & the relationship took a 180. And then, the realization, that I in fact, did NOT love them. I was just disillusioned by the newness & all the attention & doting (who doesn’t love that?) & mostly the POSSIBILITY of love. I’m not the girl who dreamed of her wedding since she was little. I’m not the girl who just wants to have a baby, or get married for the sake of being married, or because all my friends are doing it and I’m “at that age” whatever the hell that means. I’m the girl who refuses to settle for subpar, mediocre companionship just so I won’t be alone. I can tell you, especially after watching several of my friends who have gotten married, and then gotten divorced, I much prefer to be alone than have to have dealt with some of the absolute craziness or instability, or whatever the reason was, that they have had to go through. I remember the first time one of my friends asking me “why aren’t you married? Or maybe it was something more like “you need to get married” but whatever it was I remember thinking to myself even then, I’m not going to just randomly pick some dude to marry because I just want to be married, I want love. I want the best friend companion person. And also, when people ask us single people that question, IT’S FUCKING RUDE & INCONSIDERATE & MEAN. I hear that question as “what is so wrong with you that no man has wanted to be with you, love you, take care of you, be a gentlemen to you, yadda yadda yadda.” Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe there is something. I think I have a great personality, I think I am kind, funny, not terrible looking, and actually, I think I am a great catch. But no one great has caught me. Maybe I am too intimidating. I know I have a strong personality, and I know that most men, even though they say they want an independent woman, don’t. They want a shy, sweet, docile little baby dear or some shit like that. I don’t know. I’ve read through a lot of lame dating profiles, and that is my assessment of what men say they want. So I am a first born, full on firey Aries with spunk & confidence in almost everything I do, and have been this way my whole life. This is one reason my friends love me, is because I don’t hold back much, I say what’s on my mind, and I don’t much care what you or anyone else thinks of me, because, naturally, I think I am always right, and to be fair, I usually am ;) This little personality flaw has hindered and helped me throughout my entire life. I am aware that I can be too much sometimes. I am more aware now that I am not in my early 20’s and have learned to reel it in more, but not always. I am also very sensitive about this personality (quirk? defect?) trait. I was kicked out of church camp when I was 16 or 17 because I thought I was joking around with someone (and I was, it was absolutely coming from a place of jovialness and not meanness or rudeness) and she, being an older lady, did not understand that, did not confront me or ask me about it, and in result, I was not allowed to go back the next year to HELP HOMELESS CHILDREN and be a camp counselor at Camp Baalam. I remember exactly where I was when my youth minister called to tell me that I wouldn’t be allowed back because of this so called “incident”. I was devastated. Hurt. Angry. Confused. What did I do? I didn’t do anything wrong! What? I was kidding! I was joking, and laughing, there were other people there too that knew I was joking around. Anyways, I digress, but this was just the first of many small incidents where I’ve been handicapped or denied whatever the next step was for me on that path. SO maybe that wasn’t the path I was supposed to be on. Maybe, that’s part of what has made me who I am today. I accept this and I am good with this, but it doesn’t change my memories or feelings about things like this. So to get back around to my point, I am aware of this personality issue of mine and I have been working on it my whole life. So why AM I single? Who knows, maybe I want to be, maybe I don’t even know that about myself yet. What I do know is this. I do get lonely sometimes. I don’t focus on it or dwell or cry or anything like that, but on occasion, I do. I want someone to be that person I can call and share exciting news with, or that “go-to” person for when I want to go see a show, try a new restaurant, whatever it is. I have lots of friends, girl & guy, but they are either married, in serious relationships, or single and a hot mess, or work so much they don’t have a lot of free time to do random things I want to do. I have a few crushes right now that I know are never going to happen, sadly. Either because they are in a committed relationship, or they might be considered “too young for me” although, I would disagree. But mostly my problem isn’t meeting people, it’s finally meeting someone cute, or cool or interesting, then, developing a slight interest, then discovering, they are either A. not single. 2. Not interested or C. A total player/dog/permanent bachelor man whore.  I ask you, where are all the gentlemen? Where are the guys who will hold a door open; not because you are unable to as a lady, but because it is chivalrous and polite, and because their mother raised them right. I don’t know, but I somehow have a knack for finding crazies. FML.

Part 2 coming soon... 

 

* Barney Beagle lived in a pet shop window. Every day he waited and wished for someone to choose him. People would stop and look at him in the window, and he would always ask himself, "Is this my boy? Is this the boy for me?" But the shoppers would always choose someone else.

 

Valentines Day Massacre

Wow. The trifecta of humanities lowest common denominator dined out this weekend... Bronner Brothers + Valentines Day amateurs + Saturday night typical crowd = 0-8% tip ratio. The bottom feeders were out in full effect. I mean, way to perpetuate the stereotype! Stiffing the people who were so sweet and nice to you, going out of their way to make sure you have every single fucking little tiny thing you need, all your refills, all your extra sauces, all your needs being met, running the shit out of your server and then "thanking" them with a $2.77 tip on a $93 check? What about the asshole military fuck that left ZERO on a $200 tab on Thursday? Even AFTER you asked your server to get you your 10% off military discount?! Thank goodness YOU made it back from your tour, and not someone else with an actual SOUL...
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE LOW LIFE PIECES OF SHIT???

This is why your server would rather lose her job and get fired then have to deal with pieces of shit like these people anymore. There is a woman who works with us, who is the sweetest, most sincere, great at her job who is leaving the industry because she just can't take it anymore and she doesn't even have a back up job and I don't blame her one bit. 

Things have gotten out of hand. The hostesses can't seem to wrap their head around rotating seating, instead loading up one section at a time. Forget double seating, that's nothing, I'm talking about quadruple seating. How the FUCK am I supposed to give great service and individualized attention if you constantly and consistently FUCK us like that? And what is this shit about telling people there is a 15-20 minute wait, and let them go to the bar, order a drink, and then call them for their table 2 minutes later? LET THEM SIT FOR A FEW MINUTES! It makes your bartenders job harder because now he or she has to quickly, finish those drinks, process the payment and while several other patrons are needing his or her attention too. WHY CAN'T ANYONE BUT ME SEE THIS???

And why can't our hostesses bus a table? We have NO bussers from 3pm-6pm, yet we still have to tip them out 2% of all our sales. The dining room looks like a war zone, hostesses up front gabbing away about their life when they could be "following the bubble" and working as a team. If everyone would just do their part, then it would all flow a bit more smoothly.

It's all just so frustrating. And our "management" team....
Well, I'll save that for a later date...

Oh and these shoppers, who are these people who take pleasure in nit picking every little tiny detail that happens? The shoppers report from last Saturday detailed the fact that their bartender left the .09 cents change that was part of the tip in the cash drawer. WHY I ASK YOU, WHY DOES THIS MATTER???
Dear people who dine out at my restaurant on Saturday nights, I hate most of you. I try not too, but you all just make it impossible not too... and they wonder why people in the service industry drink?