A description of what it is like to be me. In my head...in my world...what I think...what I do...how i poo...but never why...and never about pie...

Monday, July 11, 2005


Outside the clouds are swirling to the west and I know this means Hurricane Dennis is here. So I got to thinking last night about all the stresses I have been dealing with lately and it got to be a bit overwhelming. Let me list in no particular order.
1. My car was totalled.
2. Good friend moved back to Denmark for good a week ago.
3. I am moving in a couple of weeks.
4. The boy situation is completely upsetting, frustrating, unresolved and annoying.
5. The damn car I am driving leaks on me when it rains and I FUCKING HATE THAT.
So I have had alot of anger in me lately. Most of my friends have noticed and I have too. There is a girl who is my friend here at work who can be a bit overwheleming sometimes and I can't always take her loud shenannigans first thing early in the morning. I just need a little time to acclimate to full potential. A little quiet time in the morning before I have coffee to sit down, write in this blog (therapeutic i think) and collect my thoughts for the day. Is this too much to ask? I can hear her from here (my desk is in the very back and there are many walls and corners between the front door and me), she is just so fucking loud sometimes! I think I might be turning into one of those non-sexual people. What I mean is I have been feeling so numb lately in relation to boys in general. Sure, I see a cute one and acknowledge that he is good looking, but that's about as far as it goes. I have no desire for anything right now. I think it is because of my relationship (or lack thereof) with RAS. I don't want to talk about it to anyone, but everyone keeps asking, "so what's going on with you and R__?" - NOTHING LEAVE ME ALONE. STOP ASKING ME. I DON'T CARE.

I am sure that this gloomy-grey-looks-like-it's-5-am-all-damn-day-long attributes to it some too. I watched Sideways for the 2nd time last night. I love the scene where he and Maya are on the porch talking about what they love about wine. They are just so passionate and knowledgeable about it and I love how it relates to life, relationships and each of their individual personalities. It also made me realize it was time for a road trip with one of my soulmates KB5. She lives in Santa Cruz and we went on a fabulous road trip last year that was just so rejuvinating and relaxing and soul-searching and self realizing. I need this again. So I texted her that we should drive up (or down) the coast stopping at a bunch of wineries and drink until we're drunk and then get a hotel, or camp out and pass out and do that over and over and over again. Doesn't that sound like a fabulous trip? I think so to.
Last year when we went on our road trip it went like this: I flew into Denver and we went rafting in Fot Collins, camping in Aspen, hiking at Maroon Bells, drinking in Vegas, camping right outsideof Yosemite, hiking and biking inside Yosemite where I somehow scored us some free ice cream b/c we were out of cash money, where we ended it that evening sitting on the beach in Santa Cruz drinking a beer. This all happened in the time span of flying into Denver on Saturday and on the beach in Santa Cruz Wednesday eve. It was fantastic. The wide open spaces, the miles upon miles flying by in what seemed like no time at all, beautiful rock walls and tunnels through arizona and awesome rock formations in the distance in utah, the windmills over the hills and through the sierra nevada. I need the open road once again to rejuvinate my soul! Northern California here I come!


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