A description of what it is like to be me. In my head...in my world...what I think...what I do...how i poo...but never why...and never about pie...

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Moisture Damage & hindsight

Oh boy - what a day.

Let's begin at the beginning, shall we? (Seems a reasonable place to start eh?)
5:30am: alarm sounding. ugh. GOTTA get up and make my plane to San Fran.
I leave at 6:30.
So it's 6:30...and I am going like 90 to the airport.
I decide that instead of going to the park and ride I always go to for 6 bucks a day, I'll just pull into the very first one I see - so it will be closer to the airport and there will be no chance I will miss my plane. Now, keep in mind that I haven't actually looked at the clock again yet since I've left my house - but this doesn't dawn on me at the time b/c its early and I've had very little sleep due to the fun date I was on the previous night. So anwyays - I realize (too late that is) that I am at the corporate fucking bullshit park-n-ride that's ELEVEN DAMN DOLLARS A FRIGGIN DAY!
Let's see, that's $11 times 6 days= $66.
Ok - get over it Emily - you gotta get yer ass to the airport and go on your trip and have a fun time. Just forget about it. I get to the correct cocourse before I check the time and it is 7:07. Damnit, I totally woulda had plenty of time to park at the cheaper spot. Well, hindsight is 20/20 ain't it?
So, I'm waiting for the plane to board - and I decide to text blog a msg from my phone. I spend about 30 minutes texting until my thumb is raw and right when I get to the end and I am about to press SEND - my phone freezes up. WTF? Ok-that sux. Because had u people been able to read it - it was clever and funny. In case u ever notice - I usually blog first thing in the morning when I am at my most profound and the cleverness level seems to soar...sometimes.
So - ok - get over it Emily, it's not really that big of deal - don't get upset about it.
So now it's time to board the plane.
Oh but let me tell u about the stupid flight attendant.
So, everyone has flown before, I can assume.
When u board the plane, the cockpit is the only thing to the right, right?
Ok. That's settled.
So we're truckin down the ramp and as we approach the plane I can hear the most high-pitched, insincere voice explaining to people the "directions" to their seats.
Like no shit lady, it's DOWN the aisle? U mean - it's NOT to the left towards the pilot?
Well no shit sherlock.

So I get up there and she's asking me where my seat is. I show her my boarding pass and she starts to tell me where to go, "go down and to the left". I honestly thought she was finished with her directions b/c the woman in front of me just got a "straight back" direction. THAT's when I started thinking to myself, well NO SHIT - where the hell else would it be? I almost said it aloud - but I refrained. (it was tuff) - so she says to me - left - so I start heading back consumed in my own smart-ass remarks I would have liked to say to her - laughing to myself. I glance back and she kind of scoffs. I guess b/c she wasn't finished with her instructions on how to "find" my seat. This is what i was thinking and what I WANTED to say:

Oh, really? It's back this way? Look lady - I know my alphabet, and I know how to count. I BET that I can find my seat ALL by myself! Amazing isn't it?!

Okay, so before that incident, I had carefully placed my popeye's cup of water with lid in my satchel so as to have less to carry while I am trying to shimmy down the aisles with my luggage. So i get to my seat ALL the way back in 46E (extreme back of the plane. seriously. last row by the bathrooms.) I set my bag down and instantly remember the water - oops! I open my satchel and lo and behold - everything is swimming. There is about 2 inches of water in there. Oh great - my ipod is completely submerged in water. So I am cursing under my breath. Trying not to let the cute boy in the seat next to me hear me. But it is futile. I empty the contents of my bag and scurry to the bathroom to dump out the remaining water. In my haste, I should have made absolutely sure there was nothing else in there. But again. Hindsight. DAMN U HINDSIGHT! (shaking my fists in the air towards the sky)
I go back to my seat and the stewardess (or whatever the hell the PC term is) asks me if that is my phone in the sink.
MY FUCKIN PHONE is SWIMMING in a puddle in the airplane bathroom sink. It wasn't swimming BEFORE I dumped the entire contents of the bag out. NO, it was stored securely in a upper pocket in an unzipped zipper area. But in my haste, I had dumped it into the water and caused (what I found out later to be) irreversible "moisture damage".

--- we interrupt this broadcast --- please stay tuned for the rest of this exciting and action-packed day tomorrow ---details at 11---


Post a Comment

<< Home