Mentally on hold....

So, a newer friend of mine disappeared for 3 months after hanging out for 2 weeks straight, without a word. I found out a month ago his best friend he was going to move in with AND mom had passed in the same week! I am a supportive respectfulfriend and one night after work you go to pick him up after work to hang out, but then he makes you wait in the car of an HOUR after repeatedly saying "omw" but you are so tired & frustrated you just go home angry... Then another 3 weeks pass and after repeated olive branches he FINALLY reaches out but then never answers in a timely manner and most of the time not at all... I mean seriosuly its disrespectful and i feel foolish. I really want him as a friend, but it's disheartening & like I said, I feel foolish & desperate? I reached out to a former friend a few days ago & she responded via text quickly, abruptly & cruelly with judgement condescension & ridicule; even though she knows nothing about your life or what you've been doing for over a year,,, sigh I know I give off a IDGAF attitude but fuck... where are MY homies??? ugh In addition, I am making strides in patience getting along with yet ANOTHER cognitive dissodent, privileged, overly controlling manipulaating ego-fragile, unaware of his own hypocritical, disrespectful, non tolerant of anyone besides his own problems storiues, issues, engaging in conflict, nagative blaming others distorting reality to suit his own agenda, pretentious, weak minded, cowardlyPOS brat of a housemate,... well its all just a bit too underwhelming & lonley.. I'm sooooooo tired of trying to hard, pretending to be a normal with zero interest in anyione elses life but his oqn.... I feel like a shell of a spirit, screaming to be let out of this nightmare of an apathetic existence... I just can NOT. I feel like I've been apathetic and directionless for 6 short & long years and I'm so tired of "fake it til I make it" or until inevitabely find a sliver of joy and inevitabely someone tears me back down again... sigh sigh FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK Where's my boy? (tear shed) I don't know what state I'd be in with out Heyyy Buddy, but perhaps that's "all there really is to a fire..." <3 I wish i cwould just disappear... I just dont give a shit about anything anymore....for 6 long short years....