A description of what it is like to be me. In my head...in my world...what I think...what I do...how i poo...but never why...and never about pie...

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Blue Fire Guru

In yesterday's post, I came to the conclusion that I am on fire.

It's not the first time I've said this either. And what I mean by this is exactly what EMINEM is talking about in his song 'On Fire' off the RECOVERY album. I've always loved EMINEM and I've always loved his music, and especially this particular album. Last year I was listening to it a lot around this same time of September - October, and specifically to the song 'Lose Yourself', probably because I had just re watched the movie 8 mile, but then the songs started speaking to me and giving me a sense of understanding, inspiration and even therapy!

"...if you had, one shot or one opportunityTo seize everything you ever wanted in one momentWould you capture it, or just let it slip?...You better lose yourself in the music, the momentYou own it, you better never let it goYou only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blowThis opportunity comes once in a lifetime...The soul's escaping through this hole that is gapingThis world is mine for the taking, make me kingAs we move toward a New World OrderA normal life is boring; but superstardom'sClose to post-mortem, it only grows harderHe only grows hotter, he blows it's all over"- EMINEM 'Lose Yourself' off the RECOVERY album
Consequently, I bought bluefire.guru website name where I will be using that as a blog space to post interesting articles I find related to self discovery and striving to live for a higher porpoise.
(see what I did there?)


Here's some sciency stuff for all you sciency types:BLUE FIRIS HOTTER AND HAS MORE ENERGY!!!~~~
The color of the visible light results from the energy.Blue light is more energetic than red lightwhich is why blue fire is hotter than a red fireit has more energy it is giving off.

Here we have the spectrum of light, from Radio to Gamma waves, in increasing energy. It shows how the visible red light is less energetic than visible blue or purple light.


Please visit
in a couple weeks for more posts like this if you like what you read.

Spread joy in everything you do.
Live Love every single day.
See kindness in everyone.
Change your thoughts and change the world.
Blue OUT~!

24 hour friendship...

This isn't the 1st time music has helped me through a difficult emotional time...

..from wikipedia:

"Sensory overload
 occurs when one or more of the body's senses experiences over-stimulation from the environment. There are many environmental elements that impact an individual. Examples of these elements are urbanization, crowding, noisemass mediatechnology, and the explosive growth of information.[1] Sensory overload is commonly associated with sensory processing disorder. Like its opposite sensory deprivation, it has been used as a means of torture.

Most often the quickest way to ease sensory overload symptoms is to remove oneself from the situation.

Prevention: There are two different methods to prevent sensory overload: avoidance and setting limits. The process of avoidance involves creating a more quiet and orderly environment. This includes keeping the noise to a minimum and reducing the sense of clutter. To prevent sensory overload, it is important to focus your attention and energy on one thing at a time. Setting limits involves restricting the amount of time spent on various activities and selecting settings to carefully avoid crowds and noise. 
One may also limit interactions with specific people to help prevent sensory overload."


~~~When someone is experiencing this, and they tell you that they need some space and they need to be alone, the absolute WORST thing you can do is push this person and/or try to manipulate them by attempting to guilt them! If he would have respected my choice and allowed me to leave the situation that was creating the problem, this post would never have been written and we might have become good friends...BUT...that didn't happen.... I met this person less than 24 hours ago and I told this dude that I just had too much on my mind and too much to do and needed to be able to focus so I would appreciate it if he would go home after we ate at The Vortex... As an Aries, which is a fire sign, the ABSOLUTE WORST thing you can do is push me. If you fight fire. you're going to get burned. This is just a factual universal law.
~ ~ ~
 "If you fight fire with fire, everyone will get burned, 
and nothing will be salvaged from the mess."
and nothing will be salvaged from the mess."

(yeah I'm hotter, lol ;)   

The color of the visible light results from the energy.
Blue light is more energetic than red light
which is why blue fire is hotter than a red fire
it has more energy it is giving off.
Here we have the spectrum of light, from Radio to Gamma waves, in increasing energy. It shows how the visible red light is less energetic than visible blue or purple light.
~ ~ ~
I met this dude last night, we hung out, in a purely platonic way, which I made absolutely clear that it was. But in the morning, he should have left, unless I specifically asked him to stay, he should have offered to leave and not presumed that I wanted you there all day!
YES, I appreciate your help bringing in the boxes from my car, and helping figure out and break down my inversion table. And I expressed this gratitude many times, thanking you. And then when we went to get dinner, and YOU offered to pay for my meal, that was nice too, and I thanked you for that. I never expected you to do that and I could have payed for it myself, but again, thank you! But when he started saying 'i did this for you', and 'I did that for you' and 'i paid for everything' and 'can't you just do this for me since i did all this nice stuff for you?'

I will not compromise my self and my being because you seem to think I owe you something. 

Then the text messages started rolling in, one right after another.... until I blocked his number and put his shit outside my apartment door & sent him the BYE FELICIA meme! (my actual last communication to him! lol)

"your mean" (don't even get me started on a tangent about the improper use of the "you're"!!!!)
       "i paid for everything"
       "I didn't have to make those boxes.."
       "I really like you and think you are great"
       "can you drive me home?"
We already talked about how I couldn't take him back to Marietta (I am starting to think there's something in the water up there that makes people a little or a lot CUCKOO! :) 

I also know that he's been drinking since earlier that day, he made it seem as if he was hungover and used it as an excuse to make the 1st one, but I'm pretty on top of things and observing everything that goes on and I know he continues to make drinks and although he asked me for the 1st beer, he also drank LAST beer! (I didn't realize this until much much later, you just never take anyone's last anything without asking 1st, it's bad ju-ju)

These were all coming in AFTER I politely told him earlier that I have a lot of things to do, a lot of things on my mind and that I just needed to be alone! He literally was not taking NO for an answer.
It made me feel like that crazy Jekyll-Hyde muther fucker that I dated. In fact the more I thought about it, there were a lot of the same exact behaviours coming from this guy as there were from captain-crazy-pants, he even used similar terminology/words saying things like "I'm not stupid" (this was in response to something unrelated and I never called him stupid or used that word, he was putting words in my mouth and using his filter to perceive what I was asking) ...
"I don't know you and no I don't owe you a muth-a fuck-in thing"
Can you not read the signs? Can you not feel the energy? Can you not hear me when I specifically tell you and ask you for a little space? I am actually quite proud of myself for handling as long as I did. I now know that I cannot be around people right now. 
We are the average of the 5 people we hang around.  
Last night for example, I told him so many times that I was exhausted and that I wanted to go to sleep, he STILL WOULD NOT STOP FUCKING TALKING! About NOTHING and EVERYTHING! I finally got up to use the bathroom but instead slept on my own couch, after a few minutes, he got up to see where I was and stood over me (I had my eyes closed and was even fake snore/sleeping lol) and actually started talking to me and was trying to wake me up" by saying my name and telling me to move to the bed. TELLING, not asking. Do you know that most people, when sleeping, are not nice if you wake them up? Why would you wake someone up? "Let sleeping dogs lie" is how the saying goes, right? 
Here's the red flag that had I listened to my gut, would have prevented this post from ever being written....
When we were at his house in Marietta grabbing a few things, he showed me & wanted to bring his gun to my house because were going to "Atlanta"! (I live in a quiet little neighborhood called Morningside) - in hindsight, this should have been my FIRST red flag that I should have left is ass in crazietta.
 However, even after all that insanity, it is now over and I am still very thankful that he was there to help me be productive all day, because I did get a lot accomplished.  
And that was my 24 hour friendship... 

~ Blue OUT  !

Monday, October 19, 2015


Anthroposophy, a philosophy founded by Rudolf Steiner, postulates the existence of an objective, intellectually comprehensible spiritual world that is accessible by direct experience through inner development. More specifically, it aims to develop faculties of perceptive imagination, inspiration and intuition through the cultivation of a form of thinking independent of sensory experience"
SOURCE - wikipedia

+NRG :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Lately, I've been feeling that I am more sensitive to colors, sounds, people, environments, energy, lighting, etc. Even a few minutes with someone who is not like minded, can alter my unhappiness and un-harmoniousness with the universe to the point of I have got to leave the room.
I just had to kick this dude out of my apartment. I felt as if I was about to or actually having a serious anxiety attack. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't focus, I started feeling very uncomfortable and creepy crawly, and I hated that feeling so much, that I just couldn't take 1 more minute. One thing good MIGHT have come out of it tho....He SAID he would rent my apartment...but people who talk that much rarely have much to actually say of validity, so we'll see if he follows up. I will give the landlord his info though, but in all actuality, it's not my dog. I can't wait to get started on my new life and move on and up!

"You're on fire
That's how you know you're on a roll
Cause when you hot its like your burning up everyone else's cold
You're on fire
Man I'm so fucking sick I got ambulances pulling me over and shit
You're on fire
You need to stop drop and roll"
Cause when you say some things the whole world is gonna blow (lyric amended to reflect my own experience)
- EMINEM - 'On Fire' RECOVERY album